kawa dla krystyna

I'm Moved!

2010-10-12T22:46:00.001-05:00

Oh hey there! Feel free to take a peek around this site, it's my entries and ramblings from my short term trips to Poland and Bosnia. For recent updates, check out my NEW BLOG @ www.sendchristine.wordpress.com!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T11:22:00.003-05:00

Wesołych Świąt Bożego Narodzenia!

happy thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T23:05:00.003-05:00

today has been spent...
watching the macy's parade on tv
(love me those broadway performances!)
eating TONS of amazing food
drinking yorkshire tea (thank you, joshua and lizzie)
playing card games
reading by the fire
watching football
learning to correctly throw a football
eating more food

and giving THANKS. :)

2009-11-08T23:54:00.003-05:00

i traded my sketchers for heels.

2009-09-21T15:49:00.002-05:00

you remember the movie, never been kissed, how drew barrymore goes back to her high school as an undercover reporter and gets a second chance at learning high school lessons? my experience is nothing like that. however, today i was a substitute teacher at my middle school and worked alongside the same teachers i had studied under ten years ago. this is an incredibly eye opening experience – to see that even teachers swear during their lunch period, are nicer when they don’t have to discipline pre-teen boys, and at the end of the day – they’re rushing to their cars like we always rushed to the buses.

our town's middle school has now seen FOUR lindemann children, i introduced myself to a teacher as part of a town-dynasty at one point during the day. the last of our dynasty will graduate this coming june and the lindemann name will only be a memory to the teachers and staff of the middle school. ”so much has happened since i roamed those halls during my awkward years,” i thought to myself as i walked by the picture of my graduating class: the class of 2000, “it feels like a different lifetime.” i walked by my locker (third from the left in the eighth grade hallway) and a feeling of nostalgia came over me – but not one strong enough to make me feel like I’m thirteen again. no, i’ve since grown up. now i am the one wearing heals that firmly walk the tile floors, with determination in my step and knowledge in my mind. i am the one who can look up the answers in the teachers’ book when i cannot remember how to figure out that math problem (what is the purpose of stem-and-leaf graphs ANYWAY?). and i am the one who tears up a little at the end of reading the pigman because i now know what it feels like to lose someone close. even furthermore, i am the one who no longer takes the comment: “you’re my favorite substitute!” as a compliment – because it means i haven’t disciplined well enough.

though i woke up this morning preparing to teach the future of america, i came out learning more than i expected to. isn’t that what school is all about?

why i love this town #3

2009-09-07T13:53:00.003-05:00

in wolfburg, germany, they have two moons.

one is the real moon, and the other moon looks like this in the daytime:

welcome to autostadt. :)

berlin!

2009-09-01T03:14:00.004-05:00

my computer is going through an identity crisis. yesterday google was in polish and today it's in german. i'm in berlin! i'm sitting in the lounge of a hostel called the "sleep cheap hostel" (yes, no joke) and i'm simply amazing and in awe of the fantastic adventures of these past few days ... actually, MONTH. i'll write more later about how i got here to berlin, but let's just say for now that it involved missing our train TWICE in poznon, poland and meeting some incredible friends along the way. in some ways, it's a blessing to be so dependent on other people because we've made some really good friends just because they speak english and can help us communicate.

today we want to see the berlin wall. so we did a google seach of where it is and were directed to a list of all of the pieces of the wall - south africa, france, california, chicago, maine, washington d.c., new york.... um, i'm sorry - i thought the wall was in BERLIN!? we'll ask someone later.

the woman who owns this hostel is polish and the woman at the bistro this morning is actually from wrocław - and was THRILLED when we said that is where we were coming from, and then spoke to her somewhat in polish. i love polish, i really do. actually i miss it very much already being here in germany. that and i speak such little german that it's even hard to be POLITE. oh well, more makings for more adventure.

kocham cię, Jagoda.

2009-08-17T03:35:00.003-05:00

silently i got into the car. i didn’t know where we were going, exactly, or what we would see when we got there. i didn’t know what we would do when we got there or how i would feel or what we would say. conversation was light as kasia began the drive to the cemetery: we talked about what we had done that weekend. catching up from a day of not seeing each other is a wonderful difference than trying to catch up from a year of absence. our friendship is growing.

as we drive, i think about how i am feeling at the moment: nervous and not sure what to expect. agnieszka’s words from yesterday resound in my mind: “it is good to not know what to expect. this is not natural. this is not how it should be.” the car pulls right into an alley way, near local gardens. kasia drives on the dirt road and pulls into a parking spot in front of the cemetery gate.

as we get out of the car, kasia is even quieter than i. “you don’t have to stay long, if you don’t want to,” i suggest gently. she has been here before, and i will likely need more time than her. “i know. but i need to do this too.” kasia’s determination and presence are exactly what i need in this moment: i am not alone.

before the entrance, there is a vendor selling candles and flowers. “i didn’t think about this,”i notice, “i did not ask about polish customs for this sort of thing!” luckily, kasia reads my mind and instructs me that we should buy candles. there are many beautiful ones to choose from, and kasia and i both agree on the heart-shaped red one. it’s describes our friend perfectly. for a moment, i wonder what the significance is of the candles and then i think that if it is polish tradition, nothing else matters because that is what our friend would have wanted us to do. We each buy one and the man hands us matches to go with them. i hold the blue bag with the red candles in my hand and we slowly cross the threshold into the cemetery.

as i walk past the tomb stones, candles, flowers, and other visitors, i annotate every moment in my mind, as if my mind is linked to some external computer that can record each moment, each thought for documentation. my words and my thoughts are profound, though manufactured. somehow, telling the story in my mind is helping me stay one step removed – as if i’m merely an author rather than the participant.

“i’m not exactly sure where it is…” kasia says quietly. i trust her instinct as we walk slowly on the gravel walkway. suddenly, i see it: a solitary wooden cross between engraved head stones. on the cross is a white marker, beneath a silver crucifix, saying exactly what i don’t want to see: “Jagoda Pachota.” i stop and cannot move. i look at the wooden box on which rests flowers, statues, and candles. “it’s… beautiful…” is all i can muster.

the blue bag with the red candles is still in my hand and i cannot take another step forward. kasia steps in and does what i cannot do – she takes from me the candles and matches, lights them, hands one to me, and we both place them at the foot of the wooden marker. there is a bench to sit on, but kasia and i choose to stand there, silently. words have no meaning right now, there is only the stark reality that our dear friend, our dear sister, is gone.

“seriously?! you’ve got to be kidding me. this cannot be real.” the situation seems too strange. surely, i will see my young friend this week at camp! we will share a room and reminisce about this past year and we will hike and play games and talk long into the night. her english will have improved even more and we will talk about her university exams and hopes and dreams for the future. i read the dates below her name: “22.11.1988 – 06.09.2008.” this is real. not even twenty years old and life was taken from her. not only was life taken from her, but life was burned from her. this is hard for me to grasp – as only part of the details of her death have been recently recounted to me. these details i cannot and don’t want to imagine.

“i will wait for you,” kasia’s words break my thoughts. she quietly walks away and i finally sit down on this lonely bench, conveniently placed directly in front of the grave. i wonder how many times her mother and father have sat at this same bench? i wonder who has placed these candles and flowers and statues? i am reminded: i am not alone in my grief. after months of processing the death of my dear friend from the other side of the world, i now sit before the very tomb where she is buried. i weep. i weep hard. at first i am embarrassed as people walk by on their evening stroll – for the sun is just setting and it is a lovely evening to stroll through a cemetery. then i am reminded of Jesus as he weeps for his friend lazarus. “oh, see how He loved him,” the onlookers observed. my love for Jagoda was deeper than i knew and deeper than i can ever understand.

through my tears, i thought of the lessons i have learned from such a dear young woman and i think of how i can endure the upcoming camp without her by my side. i realize that i hurt so terribly because i loved so much. this will not stop me from loving, i vow. i will love each of my campers this year, because i do not know how much time they, or i, have left on this earth.

i could not leave that bench. for once, i was near her. i was near those who loved her and near those that grieved her death more than i. the truth and the reality was before me and i did not want to leave it. not now, not for good. if i sat by her grave, sometime there would still be a connection. then i looked down at my little red heart: just as the flame would burn in that red heart, so my memories and love for Jagoda would be in my heart. the love she had, the passion she had for the world, i will take and pass on. with a sense of purpose and meaning, i stood up from the bench and knelt down before the grave marker. with my hand on the corner of the wooden platform i whispered the words, “kocham cię, Jagoda. i love you.”

the kaufland adventure.

2009-08-11T11:31:00.002-05:00

i walk slowly into the kaufland, glancing first down at my list and then at the people around me and the piles of fruit stacked in crates to my right. “i think i will need a cart afterall,” i think to myself. i walk toward the shopping carts (or, “trolleys” if you’re british) and remember – i need one złoty (a coin) to place into the „meter” in order to use the trolley. i open my change purse and pulled out a 20 cent euro piece and click it into the meter. success! the trolley comes off of the one in front of it and i am on my way to grocery shop in poland.

in the past, i’ve gone into stores to buy certain things ineeded or just to look around. but this is my first time shopping for food to cook in my flat (british for “apartment”) – food to live off of. actually, this is my first time shopping for myself to cook in a full kitchen of my own. and i’m in a foreign country. great – not only can i not understand what anything says, but i might not know how to cook it even if i did. i look down again at my list. i have written: “mleko, herbata, chleb, sok…” these words i know: “milk, tea, bread, juice…” i walk up and down the aisles looking at all that is around me. “before ileave,” i think to myself, “i want to try and cook a real polish meal.” now, that may be being too optimistic, but i relax and merely survey my surroundings for the time being.

pasta! I find pasta (“makaron”) – this doesn’t even need directions to cook. now, i just need to find the sauce (“sos”) to go with it. as i am looking at the pasta, a woman comes up to me and we joke about how many boxes of rice there are to choose from. at least, that’s what i think we were laughing about.

i find the bread and the jam (dżem), and just next to it is the tea! tea! something i can understand! i put in my cart the ol’ familiar, liptons, just for a taste of home. i admire the fact that i can get a box of tea for the equivalent of 1 dollar and then i remember that i’m working off of złoty right now, and i should stop dividing by three every number i see, it’s really giving me a headache.

next, i get a little creative. i find a packet to make chocolate pudding. “this shouldn’t be too hard,” “i think, “all i need is milk!” i throw a packet into my trolley. where to find the milk? in america, it would be on the side by the wall because it is in the refrigerator. i know enough not to look in the refrigerator, and i find boxes of milk piled near the center aisle. now i get a little overwhelmed. i realize just what people mean when they come from foreign countries into the states and are overwhelmed by the food choices – because not only are there a lot of choices, but it’s all in a different language! i locate the milk that is on sale (i can tell it is on sale because of the bright yellow tag and the word that ends in an “!” – at least, i hope that’s what it means) and i find one with 1.5 percent fat, thought it is labeled “1,5” because commas and periods are opposites here when it comes to numbers. next to the milk is polish ramen. you better believe i grabbed a pack. or two.

now you’ll really be impressed. i found a packet of spices and on the back shows a picture of the spices with thin noodles. “i’ve seen these noodles just a few aisles back!” i grab a pack of spices and a bag of noodles – only 3zł or 1$ – but i said i’d stop doing that. this should make for a good step toward making polish food.

i pushed my cart toward the cash register and greeting the attendant with a polite, “dzien dobre” as i stacked my items on the conveyor belt. i reached for the money i recently took from the atm and handed it to her as i loaded my items into my large purse (except for the milk, i carried the milk). i received the change and nodded saying, “dzenkuje, dowedzenja” (i hope i can say it better than i can spell it!). walking out of the store with my bag full of victory, i felt accomplished. all this for just 27 zł. go ahead, divide by three.

next feat? trying to get a cell phone. i am thankful for the large mall just around the corner (ah, the modern conveniences of eastern europe!) and the young workers who speak english. oh and also, I forgot to buy yogurt.

the autobahn adventure.

2009-08-05T15:44:00.005-05:00

my plane arrived in berlin an hour and a half early - YES, early. i waited around the airport, watching people and praying that the Lord would lead anke right too me because i forgot to set a meeting point! he answered prayer and she found me waiting outside my gate. we lugged my things to her car and began the journey home.

when we first connected, i did not feel tired! after all, it was only four in the morning - not bad for a recent college graduate. ;-) plus, i'm here in a new culture talking with a dear friend i haven't seen since may. but once we began to talk and catch up, a wave of sleepiness overwhelmed me. "lean your seat back and get some rest now," anke suggested. i did just that - put my sweatshirt behind my head as a pillow and leaned my seat back as anke put on some worship music. not five minutes after i closed my eyes, our car slowed down and started to chug along. "our gas tank says we have one quarter..." anke says softly. i sit up in my seat as anke pulls the car into the shoulder of the autobahn. "we're either out of gas or something is wrong with the engine - and i just got this car YESTERDAY!" despite the confusion, anke was very calm! we reminded ourselves that everything is an adventure. "now we get out and walk." walk?! "to the phone, just up ahead!" confused, i followed, leaving the car with it's emergency lights on, to a orange phone about 1.5 km ahead. anke stood on her tiptoes and pressed a button and a woman's voice came over an intercom! anke reported her problem and the woman gave instructions and said the "yellow angels" (german AAA) will be there soon. we walked back to the car, set the orange warning triangle .5 km behind the vehicle, and donned the orange vest, as instructed. and in true AAA fashion, we waited for the yellow angel car for about thirty minutes. our "angel" looked at our car, and postulated that it was in fact low on fuel. he attached a strong cord and towed us to the nearest shell - where we filled up (on gas and ice cream), turned the key, and the engine now worked! we began the second have of our journey on the autobahn, and as soon as my ice cream was done, i was able to take a short nap. : )

the schedule!

2009-08-03T22:14:00.009-05:00

i'm packing again. you know how i feel about packing. ;-)

by popular demand, here is my schedule for the upcoming month:

tuesday, august 4th (7pm) -- depart JFK for berlin!

wednesday, august 5th (10am) -- arrive in berlin! meet up with anke and stay with her in her hometown.
thursday, august 6th -- sightsee in berlin!

friday, august 7th -- train ride to wrocław.

saturday, august 8th to friday, august 14th -- camping south of kraków with agnieszka and family!

saturday, august 15th to monday, august 17th -- spend time with friends in the city!

tuesday, august 18th to wednesday, august 26th -- wrocław language school english camp!

thursday, august 27th to monday, august 31th -- spend time with friends in the city!
tuesday, september 1st to friday, september 3th -- explore berlin with rebecca and stephen!

friday, september 4th -- fly home to JFK!

don't worry, there's sleep scheduled in there somewhere. i'm excited and a little nervous for the time that things aren't exactly planned out... spontainaity is something that i always want but never have the cuts to actually do. so i planned myself some time to live spontaneously. : )

here i go!

polska next week!

2009-07-30T13:03:00.004-05:00

am i really leaving for europe in less than a week? i have this cycle that plagues me - i get really excited about traveling until about the week before when i get really nervous. and there's something unique about this time - that i feel like i'm finally starting to settle into being at home and i'm getting ready to leave again. this time, when i come back everything will be completely different: eric will be back at college, the two other kids will be back in school, and summer (as far as the school calendar goes) will be over.

but my summer is far from over, with so many more adventures on the horizon. i'm having a hard time combining all of my worlds in my mind - i used to have my PBU world and my Connecticut world. now there's a world out in michigan and a world in poland and little "worlds" all around the states, actually! i have friends in ohio, oregon, new york, new jersey, massachusets - and sometimes these worlds collide! it struck me while i was in michigan this past month, i can't categorize people by their places anymore - life is so transitory, it seems.

and i keep thinking about jagoda. as i get ready to pack for poland, i think of what she wore and what she taught me of the polish culture and language. a part of me expects to see her at camp. i expect that she'll get there and i will give her a huge hug and we'll stay up late at night talking about futbol or heaven. i expect that we'll dance together, hike together, and each ice cream (polish: "lody") together. none of that will happen with her. instead, i will sit by her graveside and i will weep. i will weep with sadness for the young life that was lost and i will weep with thanksgiving that the Lord allowed me to be a part of her short life.

i will be intentional with my other relationships while i am there. i will give to the lives of the girls at the camp and i will make the most of each moment, Lord willing. this is a huge challenge and often feels hard for me, but it drives me to my knees and my heart to surrender.

new blog site!

2009-07-24T13:42:00.003-05:00

i'm working on a new blog - this one is to track my journey through partner development and into the world of missions. this new blog will be linked from other SEND sites directing people curious about their role in missions to take part in my journey. right now, i'm going to keep up both blogs - though i'm not sure yet how they will differ in content.

so check out my new blog, and maybe you can help me come up with a more creative title : )

100th blog post, a time for reflection.

2009-07-14T19:56:00.006-05:00

i'm in, it's official, i'm a missionary.

my friend krisi knows just how to encourage me. just now, she got me ABSOLUTELY beaming (and knew that i was beaming - over the phone, she's just that good). she reminded me, a week into being home and support raising, that I DID IT. i'm here! i worked hard on applications, i worked hard to finish school, and i'm here - on the other side as a missionary. all this by the grace of God.

but it's been a longer road then that.

when i was looking at colleges in 2003, i swore off bible schools. "no way," i thought, "i want to go to a liberal arts college." guess where i ended up going? philadelphia BIBLICAL university (i think the "university" threw me off and i didn't entirely realize it was a bible college!) well when i came back from my first missions trip (australia, 2003), i decided i was done with the whole missions thing. i did my time, i had the experience, and i even had a few t-shirts. it wasn't until fall of 2004 when i started pbu that God started to slowly creep the idea of missions into my mind. my two best friends were missionary kids. my suitemate was a missionary kid. my professors had been missionaries. worse still - the churches in the area AND my university had these things called "mission conferences" when we heard from missionaries, prayed for missionaries, and gave to missionaries. crazy concept for a girl who grew up thinking missionaries were all old people who lived in african villages. the idea intrigued me, but i wouldn't jump on this bandwagon mindlessly. i had friends who did not have easy times growing up in a different culture, and even harder times adjusting to this one. languages are not simple to learn, money does not come out of nowhere, and besides - what can i do?

i had a desire to go to africa. south africa, actually - they speak english and have lions. i also had a desire to go to india. my differences from them felt like the difference paul might have felt going to the gentiles. if he could do it, so could i. well i ended up in europe and when i first learned "how great Thou art" in polish, i absolutely hated the language. too many consonants, not enough vowels, and how on earth am i supposed to make these sounds? i was excited for germany and prague, but poland - eh, i could take it or leave it. well take it i did, and i ended up falling in love with the country and language. actually, hearing polish is one of the things i miss most when i come back to the states. give me those crazy sounds and consonants any day.

i never understood the concept of "church planting." with my missions class in college, we visited a missions agency near campus that specialized in church planting. i decided that i would never join that organization. i thought, "why can't we just go and make disciples? why do we need to plant churches?" (i guess i didn't play out the whole scenario in my mind - once you make disciples, then you need a place for them to gather!) well guess what SEND's focus is on? you guessed it, church planting.

if i was going to be a missionary, i should live overseas. that's how it's done, right? being in america is like the launchpad with people just itching to get out on the field. i can't sit still for too long. yet i see how God prepared me for this one. remember that suitmate? her dad works in SEND's international office in michigan. yes, he works in the united states. and yes, he's a missionary. i did not understand this at first. and he, what? he raisies support? to live in the states? i guess you're sensing the theme by now. and yes, i am a missionary working in the united states and raising my support.

it's bigger than that, though - i'm doing something that fits me perfectly. planting churches may not be my thing right now, but i'm mobilizing other people to plant churches. i'm gathering the workers to go out to the field, plant the seeds, and reap the harvest. i'm doing something i do best - connecting people. so "what can i do?"? God had it in mind all along. He knew exactly where He wanted me and exactly what He was preparing me for. and HE is the one that changes my heart along the way so that today i can sit here and know without a shadow of a doubt that it was the Lord God who had brought me to this place and has called me into His service and that He will provide for me.

i also never really wanted to go to east asia. i guess you can imagine where i'll be going if my life continues on this track. i also went through a time in my life when i didn't want to have kids. but there's never been a time that i haven't wanted to get married - so i guess we're just going to have to wait and see how God works that one out.

i'm IN!

2009-06-28T21:27:00.003-05:00

i am officially appointed to SEND for full time service as a MOBILIZER!

let the games begin! :D

(my name badge!)

update from a "COPer"

2009-06-25T20:44:00.003-05:00

psychological evaluation: check.

language acquisition test: check.

bible exam: check.

prayer card photo shoot: check.

chapel testimony presentation: check.

personel interview: SATURDAY, 10am.

this is when eight members of the personel committee meet with me for about an hour. i present why i want to go into missions, and then they can ask me ANY question they want to. i've been prepared for a few questions they may ask, but i am still a little nervous and actually a little excited too. so saturday, by 3pm, i should know the official decision.

today the international director met with us to introduce the six core values of SEND (dependency, integrity, servanthood, belonging, urgency, and unity in diversity) and to go over the Spiritual Covenant we will sign upon introduction into the organization. looking over that covenant and talking about the values, it finally hit me that this is a BIG DEAL. this is not just some short term assignment or work, what i am doing right now is preparation for the rest of my life (more immediately, the next 4-5 years). but most importantly, i know that right now, i am exactly where God wants me. earlier in the week, i wondered and prayed about going to poland for a term before mobilization - God very clearly shut that door for me right now, and even renewed my excitement for mobilizing. this also made me realize that i am only taking the next step in front of me right now - my life is going to be a crazy adventure from here on out, and i would have it no other way.

journey: SEND

2009-06-21T21:30:00.002-05:00

i almost wrote the title as, "destination: send," but then i realized that this is not a destination at all, it's a journey. and i need to keep reminding myself of that. these past few days, my friend krisi and i contemplated this thought while we moved her and her husband to columbus, ohio. we took each day as it came even though we didn't know what to expect, who we would see, or what the weather would do. the destination was not ohio, but it was just part of the journey. and let me tell you - that made the eight hour car ride a lot better.

so we worked our tails of moving the tv, the couch, the mattress (through a narrow stairway), the washing machine, and all of the books and other necessary living items (though books are always at the top of MY list). it was hot, we were a mess at the end of the day, but it was such a good time. and productive too! then yesterday i got a tour of ohio state university and downtown "cbus." the biggest university in the states is MUCH different from PBU. the gym alone had 8 basketball courts and a suspended walking track. there were so many cool buildings and of course, the babyducks (the lack of a space is intentional, that's how krisi's husband pronounced it). i met some of krisi's awesome friends in ohio and i got to spend some time at timmy horton's. seriously, what could be better? oh - we ate thai food.

this morning i got on a greyhound at 6:45am and began my journey up to farmington hills. i met some great conversations in the bus ride and during the layover in detroit. it's so interesting that i sit on the bus wanting to sleep and read and yet the Lord always has other plans.

so now i'm at SEND, now sitting in the dining area to access the internet. it's going to be a long two weeks and i'm actually glad for that. i want to soak everything in and pray A LOT. can you please pray for me too? please pray for wisdom, guidance, strength, and that i would truly seek GOD during these two weeks.

musical moving day!

2009-06-18T08:58:00.003-05:00

i woke up this morning to the melody and fragrance of light rain and a calm breeze. my air mattress, being slightly deflated, felt like a hammock. i woke up at rest. this does not happen too often.

today, is musical moving day. krisi is on her way over to get me on her way to picking up another friend at the airpirt. then we'll head to her current apartment, crank the music, and party while we pack. it's the only way to go.

these past couple of days have been relatively restful ones. i've managed to continue to make my way through Lost with a mere six episodes left until the next season premere in january 2010, i think i have time. yesterday i also was able to sit and journal for a while, the first time i have written so much since graduating.

tonight's the packing party, tomorrow we leave for ohio! and tonight i sleep on a four inch memory foam. goodbye hammock, hello cloud.

on the road again!

2009-06-15T21:59:00.006-05:00

getting ready to leave tomorrow for my whirlwind of a three weeks!

here's the schedule:

june 16th - arrive trenton, nj

lunch with tricia

back to carrie's house!

june 16th - june 17th - hang out with carrie!

june 18th - arrive at the hotel nasse ;-)

june 19th - help the nasses move to OHIO!

june 21st - wake up at the butt crack of dawn to take the bus to michigan

june 21st - july 3rd - candidate orientation at SEND International!

then july 3rd will start that crazy roadtrip on home to connecticut. it will surely be an awesome three weeks. i'm so excited to catch up with friends and get to know new people and see new places. i'm also really looking forward to spending a lot of alone time with God - on the bus, the train, or in my mornings. i realize that i am so much more consistant when i have a structured day (spending time alone with God is something i need to work on when my days are unstructured as they have been). i'm anticipating learning A LOT about myself and about my future ministry over the next few weeks as well. i really want to keep YOU all updated as it goes, so i'm going to do my best to be more consitant with updating this blog! so please stay tunes, leave comments or random thoughts of your own - i'm always love hearing from you.

right now, i'm up working on packing (have i ever mentioned that i don't like packing?), and working on some assignments SEND gave me, and my wonderful sister is making me a smoothie of some sorts - she said, "you're going to love it so much you're just going to want to know what's in it!" so far all i know is - we have no milk, she threw away the expired yogurt, and she asked me if the cherries were still good. so we'll see!

home again.

2009-05-29T18:56:00.006-05:00

last week i...

watched 17 episodes of lost.

drove HUNDREDS of miles.

caught up on a season of american idol in a night.

slept in 4 different places in 6 days.

lived from my car for a week.

hiked up a mountain by myself.

and the week before that i graduated from pbu! : )

now i'm back in connecticut spending time with family and friends (i've been to starbucks twice this week) and *trying* to unpack. i'm also back to reading for fun again (current read: fahrenheit 451, by ray bradbury) and watching lost (i'm catching up fast!). it's been a good week. i am also loving being back around the trinity community. yesterday i went to a woman's bible study and i am so excited to spend time with and learn from women older than me and to be a part of such a wonderful group of believers.

being "graduated" hasn't really hit me yet. i get excited when i think about actually HAVING my degrees, and i get sad when i think about nothing ever being the same in my pbu community. but i think part of me still expects that i'll go back there in the fall. it's just summer break, right?

in other news, i just purchased with some of my graduation money a round trip PLANE TICKET TO BERLIN in august! i'm going to berlin on august 4th and will stay there with a friend for a few days and then take a bus to wrocław. there i'll visit with friends and work at the english camp (august 18 - 28th). i'm really excited! i think this will be a good time for me to spend time with people, and also to process these past five years - AWAY from my home and my culture - and to pray about what's coming next in my life.

for graduation pictures - click HERE!

i hope to dance.

2009-05-12T19:05:00.004-05:00

i hate packing. figuring out where everything needs to go in order to find it again is not a task i've mastered yet. i have, however, figured out a system to label my boxes so i know what is in them. so the box i have next to me says this on it: "tea, mugs, food, picture, coasters." the box on top of it has a similar mismatch of items: more mugs, tea, my jar for change that april gave me when she graduated, my can of strawberry tea that i bought in bosnia, and a wall hanging i purchased in disneyworld last christmas. my goal is to do a little at a time so that it is not all overwhelming at once. recently, i've been packing until i my heart realizes what my head is doing - i'm packing to leave pbu. not for break. not for summer. forever. every shirt that goes into a suitcase and every mug that gets carefully wrapped and placed in a box is one step closer to being an alumni.

all week long i've been beaming. a friend told me today that i look lighter and less stressed. it's true. but there is something different that weighs on my heart now. and i haven't been thinking much about it lately. i've been busy getting ready for what's coming next - sending emails, filling out an application, making travel plans. but today i stopped.

i knew i'd have to. i could feel it coming. it all started with a tim mcgraw song (don't most moments like this begin with a country song?):

"you beautiful baby from the outside in,

chase your dreams but always know the road

that'll lead you home again

go on, take on this whole world

but to me you know you'll always be my baby girl."

and even as i write this now, my tears are warm on my face. i think of that look in my daddy's eyes that i'll see on saturday when i come up to him and give him the biggest hug with my diploma in one hand as i hold on tight to him with the other. i think about all that is before me and i think about how much has happened over these past five years. i am thankful, incredibly thankful. after saturday so much changes. the part of me that wants to figure everything out is so scared. i have been asking the Lord to change my heart so that it would rest in him rather than scrambling for control. i need to let go. please pray that i'll let go.

as i sat on my bedroom floor crying as the playlist went through more songs: "don't forget to remember me," "what hurts the most," and "bless the broken road," i wondered if i have a limit of tears that i'll cry these next few months. and as i think about it now, i know that those tears will be sprinkled in the excitement and the adventure that is before me. there will be both. and there is joy in both.

the next song that came on the playlist was one that was perfect for the moment:

"i hope you never fear those mountains in the distance.

never settle for the path of least resistance.

living might mean taking chances,

but they're worth taking.

lovin' might be a mistake

but it's worth making.

don't let some hell bent heart

leave you bitter.

when you come close to selling out

reconsider.

give the heavens above

more than just a passing glance.

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,

i hope you dance."

last day of grad class.

2009-05-04T23:20:00.003-05:00

today was my last day of graduate classes. the reality of it hasn't sunk in yet, and i don't expect it to for another few weeks at least. i have one more paper due on thursday (a final for advanced psychopathology) which will probably kick my butt, but other than that i am rejoicing over the major projects and assignments being over! yet what is so unreal is the loss of fellowship, the loss of my community that i have lived in and grown in and LOVED for the past two years. today i came to the conclusion that it may not feel real right now, and it may not sink in for a few weeks, and that's okay. when it does, and when it hurts, i'll cry and i'll let it hurt. but now, i am thankful and amazed that i SURVIVED and that i'm DONE.

i feel free. my heart feels free. i have grown so much over the past two years - and it has been the Lord's work! i am excited to see where He will take me now in the future, when my time is not bound by syllabi and set reflective assignments.

all i can do right now is smile. it's not an overly expressive smile; it's a simple satisfied smile. it's a thankful smile.

the summer road trip revealed.

2009-04-25T18:42:00.008-05:00

there's so much going on. assignments to do, thinks to think about, friends to drink tea with, decisions to be made, life plans to ponder... you know, the usual. and so easily i get overwhelmed with it all and try to plan everything or get overwhelmed because i am not planning. but here's something that happened this week that reminds me that God will work all things out, i just need to be obedient. as a dear friend of mine says, "life is what happens when we're making other plans."

i've been planning on going to michigan for two weeks of SEND candidate orientation over the summer, and though i've given the "YES! i'll be there!" i hadn't yet figured out how i would get there. this week i realized, it's two months away and i have not even given a thought to airline tickets. well, there's a reason for that. God has another way of getting me there.

my dear friend from grad school and i have been talking and she happens to be moving back to ohio just a few days before my training begins. i offered to help pack things up and help move things to ohio. this week she called and asked if i would do that - we'll get to ohio the day before training and i can take a bus from her place to detroit. perfect plan! i get to hang out with my wonderful friend, do manual labor, and get to michigan cheaper than flying!

then the question lingered, how would i get back to the east coast?

yesterday that question was answered. let me introduce you to another friend, my dear becca.

becca just got back to the states from her semester in germany and we finally got a chance to catch up yesterday on the phone. i told her of my summer plans and as we examined the dates of our summers, we realized that we both needed to get back to the east coast from detroit on the same weekend. PLAN! summer road trip! becca and i have now made plans to make an event out of it and visit canada and some friends along the way back to our home.

these plans could not have worked out if i had planned them. God definitely had His hand in organizing my trip - all i did was say "yes! i'll go to michigan!" and He took care of my transportation and planning - in such a fun and adventurous (and inexpensive) way!

now i just need to find a friend who is driving out to poland... ;-)

please pray...

2009-04-22T14:19:00.002-05:00

please pray for me these last few weeks...

for wisdom, strength, understanding, and faith.

enjoying the moment.

2009-04-17T15:31:00.004-05:00

i'm sitting at a friend's apartment while she's gone for the weekend working on my final small group project for graduate school. i have left to write about 2 pages and 1.5 lesson plans. then it's time to edit and format before i send that bad boy to print. as i write about the ambivalance that is felt during a groups termination stage, i can't help but think about the ambivalance i feel right now.

it's nearly 70 degrees and the sun is finally WARM ON MY SKIN which makes my heart so happy. i have country music playing from my pandora and i keep drinking this fantastic strawberry kiwi juice. i'm nearing the end of my huge paper and yet i'm tired. right now, i might consider for a moment laying this paper down to go to the BEACH. but ya know what? i'm going to finish this project, and i am going to enjoy the moment! i'm resting, i'm working, i'm dreaming, and i'm excited.

my small group project is a curriculum for preparing college students for missions trips. as i'm researching, thinking, and writing about it, i am seeing over and over again the huge benefit for short term missions - especially for the student. our professor said that short term trips can be "corrective emotional experiences" (click the link, it will explain what it is). that just EXCITES me. i'd love to lead short term teams. do training. debriefing.

oh you just wait. it might just happen.

p.s. i'm going back to poland this summer. =)

red pill or blue pill?

2009-04-09T13:11:00.002-05:00

i wish that for this next month i was a machine.

and as the words come, i hear the counselor in me asking, "and if you were a machine, what would that accomplish for you?"

i resist my inner counselor because i want to just say the words and not think about their implications. but then i know i should dig deeper into that statement. ok, fine, i'll answer your question. if i were a machine i would not have to feel and i would never get tired. i would be able to get all of my assignments finished and in on time by working diligently for the next month without needing to take time off. taking time off is difficult for me to do when there is so much that needs to get done. but my body, mind, and heart can only do so much at one time. that's why i wish i was a machine. if i was a machine, i wouldn't have to feel the disappointment of not being able to spend time with my friends and i would not have to feel the loss that is coming next month. i would be able to set those intense emotions aside in order to accomplish what i need to do. i could just make decisions easily and not feel the pain of disappointing people around me.

my inner counselor looks at me sympathetically. "wow, it sounds like you have so much going on right now - and so much emotion with so many assignments and decisions and you're tired."

if i was not at work right now, i would cry. my inner counselor is right. she did a good job summarizing.

the inner counselor thinks of the next question to ask. "so being a machine would mean that you don't have to feel and that you could just get done what you need to get done. is there anything you would miss out on by being a machine?"

maybe i'd miss out on growth. being a machine would be a way of avoiding all this pain. it'd be like a drug. right now that sounds like of inviting. like morpheus offering neo the blue pill or the red pill. if he chose the blue pill then he could go on with life and be happy and comfortable in his ignorance. if he chose the red pill than he would be sucked into reality - and he would see and experience the pain of the real world. he chose the red. why did he chose red? what about reality entised him? he was longing for something more.

what about me? am i going to feel? am i going to feel the pain and the tiredness of pushing myself to finish assignments and the anxiety of work that i don't know how is going to get done. am i going to feel the longing for closer relationships and the tension of how to best spend my time? am i going to let myself feel the upcoming loss and life transition and let it ache? am i going to let myself get excited with the anticipation of an unknown future and be hopeful of a life with no lingering papers and practicums? how will i spend my last month as a college student?

my inner counselor chimes in to my questioning, "is it worth it to you to not feel? if you are a machine, you will not feel the joy either."

my knee jerk reaction is to wonder if there will be joy this month. of course there will be joy! spring is coming and this morning i woke up to the sun shining on my face and the grass being mowed outside my window! in less than two weeks dunkin donuts is giving away free iced coffee, my favorite warm weather treat! this weekend we celebrate the resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ and in just one month i celebrate what the Lord has done in my life over the past five years. i can find joy in the stress. it's just a little harder to see sometimes. i want to feel that joy. i want to smile at the sunshine and be in awe as i read God's word. there will be joy this month. and i don't want to miss out.

"so you don't want to be a machine?"

well first of all, i know i can't. that isn't going to work. realistically, it's not even an option. and although right now i might prefer it, deep down i don't really want to because shutting down from pain also shuts down from joy! i'll guess i'll stick with the stress, the loss, the anxiety, the tiredness - because it will grow me in perserverence and because i can experience the joy in the midst of it. there is joy. and i can find joy in knowing that.

thank you, inner counselor. your check will be in the mail.

why i love this town #2

2009-04-03T13:19:00.007-05:00

featured town: gorazde, bosnia.

under communism, there were only 25 cars in a city of about 80,000. the city was not built for cars. now, nearly everyone owns a car. not only do you have a city of new drivers, but you have roads that are not vehicle friendly.

how do people park their cars in a city with very few parking lots? they use anything they can - sidewalks, narrow streets, turning lanes! they're very creative.

it certainly makes driving and walking an interesting challenge!

we're back!

2009-03-27T07:22:00.007-05:00

...and still struggling to overcome jetlag! i'm feeling a lot better today - and woke up on my own with the sun shinning on my face. i think that helps. i'm hoping for some time on sunday to sit back, drink tea, and write some stories from bosnia on here and in an email update. for now, enjoy some pictures.

our team in philadelphia airport prior to departure.

the beautiful city.

the team, exhausted, upon arrival in philadelphia on monday.
(susie is still all smiles!!)

bosnia!

2009-03-15T23:06:00.003-05:00

i am leaving for bosnia in just over an hour!

i drove back to philadelphia last night and after eating homemade pizza with a few teammates, i came back to my room to pack. i think i set a new record with packing 40 lbs in 45 minutes.

my biggest struggle right now is trying to not worry about my schoolwork. i'm having a really hard time finishing up a paper due next week and there are other assignments over me right now that i don't have time or energy to get to. i feel overwhelmed with wondering how things will all get done in time. yet, i know that God is faithful and He will give me the energy and the time to do them. but my heart still freaks out.

PLEASE PRAY for me that God would calm my heart and that i would be able to trust that He is using this time when he is taking me away from my schoolwork for good and for His purposes. pray that i would be able to be present with my team and present with those whom we serve.

why i love this town, #1

2009-03-14T17:02:00.004-05:00

featured town: seymour, ct

today i’m spending the afternoon at starbucks working on a paper. i approach the bar, not sure what beverage to order today. the barista notices my expression of puzzlement as i gaze upon the menu and says, “are you deciding what to order? everything up there is excellent. especially the snake latte, which is not listed.”

intrigued, i inquire further: “the snake latte?”

“well actually i just made that up. there is no snake latte.”

“you can create one! i’ll order that.” i turn to the barista at the register, “i’m going to have a snake latte. be creative!”

the barista at the bar’s face lights up as he begins to make his creative latte. i returned to my seat at my laptop and minutes later, he brings to me my very own snake latte.

i have no idea what is in it, but it sure tastes amazing. : )

bonus why I love this town: man and women drive up to starbucks, the woman gets out of the car and comes in to buy her drink. the man gets out of the car and stands by the door, sipping his cup of dunkin donuts coffee. there’s new england for ya!

attempts at self care.

2009-03-01T23:27:00.004-05:00

for our grief and trauma class, our professor has been encouraging us to find ways to take care of ourselves after class. she has been impressing on us the importance of self care as a regular thing so that we will not get burned out as counselors. to end class yesterday, she showed us a youtube video by louis gigleo called "how great is our God" (go HERE and watch all 5 parts) which really humbled us as he puts in perspective how small we really are. i left class completely in awe over God's hugeness (is that a word?) and yet that He still cares for US! and just amazed at how He holds all things together.

my plan for self care this weekend was to go to new jersey to visit my aunt and uncle. i wanted to sleep in a nice big bed in my own room and take a bath saturday night. sunday, the plan was for the rest of the family to come over for dinner and a movie.

right by the gas station near pbu, i got a flat tire. slightly shaken, i pulled into the gas station, parked the car, called dad, then called AAA (my first instinct when something is broken is to call dad!). long story short - AAA came, put the doughnut on, the doughnut was flat, and my friend was there and drove me down to n.j. as we were driving, i remembered how just this week i was meeting with my mentor about how i respond to crisis. i know that in stressful situations, my usual instinct is to withdraw my heart or in other situations avoid making a decision. this time i couldn't. it was neat to see God teaching me and challenging me through this minor crisis. all things considered, i felt a sense of peace. i knew that God is so much bigger than my flat tire and that He has purpose even in this. i still found it difficult to make quick decisions on the stop (just ask drew!), but i eventually learned through this that i just need to make a decision, go with it, and see what happens. if it gets redirected (i.e. pepboys was closed!) then i know to chose something else.

but i wasn't out of the woods just yet. upon arriving at my family's house, i had tea and a nice warm dinner while talking about what i learned in class with my aunt and uncle. i skipped the bath and jumped into my nice warm bed (complete with a pieszyna! - rebecca got 20 points for correcting my spelling. i get -10 for originally spelling it so bad she didn't know what it was.). i slowly woke up the next morning, and my aunt came in to tell me that a snow storm was on it's way. i needed to act fast to get a tire on my car. after a quick shower and breakfast, my uncle and i headed to langhorne to find an open tire place (eventually - sam's club!) and get the tire fixed. we then put it on the car (i now know how to change a tire!) and i drove back to their house.

we had an amazing mexican dinner with fajitas, tacos, and rice followed by watching benjamin button while all warm on the couch with many blankets. it was so wonderful to feel at home with my family. when the movie was over the snow started. i began to worry more - debating between driving through the snow that night or risking missing class the next day. in the end, i decided to leave. i packed up the car and drove off, the snow already half an inch on the driveway. two miles down the road i realized i forgot some things. i went back to get them and then started my trip again. the roads were covered in snow and i could not see more than a couple yards in front of me. i could feel the ice getting up into the bottom of my car. once getting on the highway, i realized that i was headed the wrong direction (the sign on the entrance had been covered in snow - i couldn't see "east"!). my low fuel light had just lite up, and this exit had a gas station! (not only that, but gas was 20 cents cheaper than it is by school!) i called a friend to talk things through and decided on going back to my aunt and uncles.

when i arrived at their house, i flopped on the couch. relieved to be back in the safe house, i know that if there is class tomorrow the Lord will get me there safely. i am thankful to be safe! and i am also really thankful that i am NOW going to take that bath after all - bubbles and all. tomorrow i will wake up and have a fresh cup of coffee and a homemade pączki. in spite of the stress, it seems this weekend qualifies for self care after all. with some additional life lessons thrown in the mix.

brokenness.

2009-02-24T23:42:00.002-05:00

"brokenness is the realization that life is too much for us, not just because there is too much pain but also because we're too selfish. brokenness is realizing He is all have. hope is realizing He is all we need. joy is realizing He is all we want." - dr. larry crabb

the long walk.

2009-02-22T20:48:00.003-05:00

no parking spots left in front of heritage dorm. i drive up to lot A to park my car, open the trunk, and unload my bags from the weekend to begin my treck back to heritage. with me i have my overnight bag and laundry from spending the night with carrie, my purse, and another bag of laundry and two freshly pressed collared shirts to deliver to a friend in wing one from his parents (who go to the church i attend). in the bitter cold and wind, i walk up the walkway juggling this load. i look ahead to the building and am discouraged by the distance i have still to go. i think about walking quicker or running, but with all of these bags it would be impossible. i decide to focus on the ground in front of me. i take a moment to glance at the sky and the beautiful stars. i continue to walk forward, taking one block of pavement at a time and manage to make it to the warmth of heritage hall without any item falling off of my load.

as i walk, i reflect on the phone conversation i just finished with a friend. "when i think of all that is going on with you, my head spins. if it feels like you juggling a lot, you are," she said to me. i do feel like i'm juggling a lot. there is much work to be done to finish this program. i'm balancing two "lives" of undergrad and grad. i'm in application with SEND (which is in and of itself a full time job, i've come to learn). i'm being faced with serious life-after-college decisions. i'm going to bosnia in three weeks. and i'm tired. yet as i reflected on all of this while walking to my dorm this evening, i realized - i need to keep looking at what is right in front of me. if i look all the way ahead - i am going to be so much more overwhelmed. granted, i have on the side of my desk a list of all assignments due when from now until the end of the semester. but it's written out so that i see what is of most importance. i'm learning to make priorities. and i'm learning that i, christine lindemann, am a priority. i am not my schoolwork. i am not how much i can accomplish in one afternoon. i am also not how many phone calls i have failed to return or how many emails i have to catch up on or how messy my room is. i need to care for my soul. i need to look up at the sky and admire the beauty of the stars.

now as i sit writing this, my shoulders still hurt from carrying my bags. i'm writing this to process it and to try to help myself believe it and live by it. and i wonder if instead of simply looking at the step in front of me, if there's more to this illustration. i didn't ask for help. i actually thought of it, i thought of calling security and asking for a lift. i could have called a friend and asked for a hand to help me with the bags. but i didn't. "this will get done a lot faster if i just do it," i thought. oh, i so easily do the same thing in life. and with God.

Lord, please forgive me for trying to do this on my own. please forgive me for wearing myself out because i'm not asking for help - from You and from the wonderful people you have put in my world. please help me now. please help me to ask for help - and to truly cast my cares on You. please give me faith to trust You with the decisions that need to be made and the work that needs to be done. thank you, Lord.

pbu missions week.

2009-02-09T23:30:00.004-05:00

here at PBU it's MISSIONS WEEK! this is different from what we've done in my time here, where we have a week set aside for missions during the regular class schedule. we have special chapels (key speakers - dave and liz givens!), evening activities, and breakout sessions on thursday (they cancelled class!). tonight was international food and fun night. in a game, i was dressed as a russian woman - my clothing made out of newspapers. and for the food, i rediscovered my love for curry. OH, and peach juice! i'm really going to have to take a run down to the russian food market sometime soon.

it's going to be crazy focusing on schoolwork with all of the excitement of missions activities and some of my favorite missionaries on campus. which reminds me, i have to go and read about clinical psychological disorders...

me and a missionary "dressed" as russians.

people from all around the world...

what's the story, morning glory?

2009-02-02T22:47:00.004-05:00

it's not the morning, and i'm far too tired to write a story. but that line popped into my head because i have not updated with a post explaining what is going on with BOSNIA or other areas of my life! and so, here it is, a life update.

BOSNIA -- i'm currently raising financial and prayer support! i'm at less than half of the money i need financially, and so if you would like to help me, please let me know! and if you have given - THANK YOU SO MUCH! we met as a team last monday with a young woman who spent 14 months in bosnia over the past couple of years. she showed us pictures and shared stories about her experiences there. it was so incredible to hear first hand and it made the trip come alive. something that was really encouraging for me to hear is the importance of SHORT TERM TEAMS. she told us that short term teams are an opportunity for the locals to make some money - by us paying them to host us in their homes and by us paying for translators - money that is hard to come by these days. also, it gives them a chance to make friends with people from around the world and tell their story. this made me really excited to stay with a host family and learn about their lives and experiences.

lisa (one of our team leaders) was asked to conduct a seminar on depression and post-traumatic stress disorder. she's going to begin preparation for this NEXT WEEK, and she has asked for prayer for her preparation. please pray for her! she will be presenting with a translator, which also adds another challenge.

CLASSES -- OH, i honestly love my classes. they are so challenging and have so much work for them, but if i budget my time well i'll do just fine and learn so much. tomorrow, i'm planning on watching a DVD about group therapy -- and we actually watch the process of a group in its different stages. then for my practicum, i need to visit therapy groups and observe them in action. for another project, i'll be writting my own small group curriculum. i'm thinking of doing something about missions and maybe college students... i'm going to brainstorm a little more on this.

LIFE -- life after graduation? who has time to think of that now! but i do need to, and i ask for PRAYER in this area too. i actually am working on an application with SEND (can you believe it?!) for a position that i will post more on later!

CURRENTLY READING -- i would like to highly recommend this book for ALL OF YOU, especially those of you in leadership positions. this is a book i'm reading for class, that i know when i finish it will have changed my life -- leading with a limp, by dan allender.

i will leave you with a quote from allender's book, one that i am reflecting on tonight:

"a limping leader understands this: i don't know if i am right, nor am i sure the path chosen is the best, but after reflection, feedback, debate, and prayer, i am choosing this path. in the process, i will seek life like water and drink death like wine" (page 74).

thirteen years.

2008-12-30T15:56:00.009-05:00

thirteen years ago today i sat on my living room floor with a yellow notepad and a pen. mom and dad were seated on the loveseat and dad told me numbers to write down every time mom let out a moan of pain. i was the official "contraction time recorder."

thirteen years ago today my little brother adam was born. we had prayed (as little kids would) that it would be after christmas because dad said if mom was in the hospital when santa came, that we would have to wait to open all of our presents when she got home. right before the new year seemed like a good time.

thirteen years ago tomorrow i put on my new christmas clothes and packed some new christmas toys into my new christmas purse and road in the van with my family to the hospital where we gathered in mom's hospital room (and i snuck bites of her pudding). this was the first time i saw my baby brother adam.

today i put on my new christmas sweatshirt and wrapped myself in my new christmas scarf (given to me by adam), my wallet filled with christmas money, and headed to walmart to buy a present for adam's thirteenth birthday. i instinctively went to the toy aisle, but then realized - he's not a kid anymore. he is now a teenager. he doesn't collect hot wheels or play with coloring books. he doesn't play hi ho cheerio or play dough (though i know i sure would). we now like the same tv shows (lost and chuck) and we both stay up late to watch them. my brother is a teenager.

where does the time go? in the room where he now sleeps until past noon, i once sat on a rocking chair and fed him his bottle as i sang him to sleep. now he's only an inch shorter than me and can do mathmatical equations in the time it takes me to find my calculator. my baby brother is growing up.

today we will celebrate adam's day of birth by playing his new favorite game - heroscape. we'll finish our evening by watching the dark knight and eating ice cream cake. i am reminded of how fast time goes and how much my little brother has grown up and how much he will grow up. thank you, Lord, for blessing me with such a wonderful brother who will soon grow into a wonderful man. happy birthday, adam.

adoption.

2008-12-26T00:27:00.008-05:00

a couple of weeks ago, my aunt and uncle adopted my new cousin. this little boy has seen more in his seven years than many people see in their lifetime. it has been a long process to make his adoption final, and weeks before the end of the year, my aunt and uncle received this wonderful christmas present.

this evening, my grandpa recounted the story of the day at the courthouse. he spoke of the emotional caseworker who enthusiastically gave her approval for the adoption and of my cousin's understanding that now he had a new last name (one he's been trying to go by for some time now). at end of the process, the grandfather-like judge addresses the group saying: "as of THIS MOMENT, you have a new name. you no longer will go by your old name. you are a part of this family." he then turns to my aunt and uncle and instruct them: "this means that he is to receieved the same inheritance that you would give your own children. he is now YOUR child." grandpa continued to tell the story, but my thoughts were stuck on the judge's word choice: INHERITANCE.

"He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved" (Ephesians 1:5).

we have been adopted as sons of God. i knew the concept but i don't think i ever reflected on its implications. the judge was telling my aunt and uncle that my adopted cousin gets the same rights and priviledges as their biological child. and when they die, their inheritance is to be shared equally. their biological son is to get no special treatment over their adopted son. they are equal partakers.

"for through Him we both have our access in one Spirit to the Father. So then you are no longer strangers and aliens, but you are fellow citizens with the saints, and are of God's household..." (ephesians 2:18-19). paul (a man of the nation of israel) writes this to the gentiles in ephesus. a biological son to an adopted son, so to speak. he continues in 3:6: "...the Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel... (3:6).

we are fellow heirs to the interitance which the Father has qualified us for (colossians 1:12), because our adoption as sons through Jesus Christ.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to obtain an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and will not fade away, reserved in heaven for you, who are protected by the power of God through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time." (1 peter 1:3-5)

merry christmas!

reflections on how it shouldn't be. and how it is.

2008-12-08T00:03:00.003-05:00

"and i heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. and he who was seated on the throne said, 'behold I am making all things new.'" - revelation 21:3-5

death isn't supposed to happen. God did not create this world with the intention of death. He knew it would happen, yes. but that was not his intention. our souls were not created to experience such a separation. it isn't supposed to be this way. in john's revelation, he hears the proclaimation above. when the heavens and the earth pass away and the new heavens and new earth come, God will dwell with his people.

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes.
DEATH SHALL BE NO MORE.
neither shall there be mourning
nor crying
nor pain anymore

the former things - death, crying, pain - have passed away. this isn't how it's supposed to be.

my grandmother passed away this weekend.

my soul cries out, "this isn't how it's supposed to be!" and it makes me long ever more for that day when we will dwell in the city of our LORD and He will dwell among us, wiping every tear from our eyes, and where death shall be no more. the pain points me to His love - because it is His love that lasts forever. by the blood of Jesus Christ, we experience that LOVE. we have that HOPE.

on Christmas we celebrate the birth of Jesus. but what does this mean to us today? it means that God came to live among us, just for a short time, so that we might KNOW Him and believe in Him, and that God Himself in human form (that is, Jesus Christ) would take the penalty for OUR SINS (for yours, for mine, for the sins of Adam and of the human race) that he could CONQUOR DEATH by raising from the dead and giving those who believe in HIM victory over death in that we might live eternally with our LORD. praise be to God.

what is more, Christ has sent to us the Holy Spirit. this is our comforter while we wait for His return.

through Him we find peace. through Him we have hope. in Him there is LIFE. and that's the way it's supposed to be.

peppermint hot chocolate.

2008-12-04T22:57:00.005-05:00

my favorite wintery starbucks beverage? a peppermint mocha latte. and now, chick-fil-a has a new milkshake! the peppermint chocolate milkshake.

yet i have created a cheaper and even tastier variation of my favorite flavor!

bigelow peppermint tea: 20 bags for $3.17
nestle hot chocolate: 10 packets for $1.00

the result? delicious perfection.

a musical thanksgiving.

2008-11-29T10:42:00.010-05:00

"i am so thankful that my family is a musical family." announces my cousin, abby, as we are gathered around in the living room. my brother has brought along his guitar and we begin the evening with singing any and every song that he knows how to play - from tom petty's free falling to the new soundings of coldplay's viva la vida. we are all seated around in what is usually termed the "untouchable room" due to its fancy decorations and perfect furniture. the newly placed piano in the corner gives us new reason to congretate upon its perfectly pressed couches.

my brother, eric, is the centerpiece of this gathering. seated on the sofa with his guitar, the serene look in his eyes as he strums his guitar gives him the look of a classic rock singer "without the angst." across the room from him sits my uncle bob. as eric plays, uncle bob closes his eyes and is suddently taken captive by the music. in his face, you see him float to another place. you see a part of his soul come alive.

come back with me twenty-five or thirty years prior...

the scene looks familiar. gathered in a shabbier looking living room, the crowd - now quite a bit younger - is gathered around the same center-piece. bob strums passionately, songs of rock or folk like "me and julio" or songs he has written. the family sings along. his younger brother, scott, plays the autoharp from his seat on the floor. their nieces (who are a little younger than scott), tami and cheryl, are harmonizing with their uncles from the couch by the window. brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, nieces, and nephews gather round to join in. this family has been through their share of pains and joys over the past year, which makes the music all the sweeter. this is what thanksgiving is made of. the joyous sounds of a family's celebration of life and love.

fast forward to thanksgiving 2008. the family has changed. some have passed on and new ones have joined. the next generation now gathers around the guitar. bob reaches for the guitar to teach eric to play, "me and julio," and eric seranades us with the song that he has written. abby runs upstairs to print off lyrics for songs like "hey there deliliah" and "knockin' on heaven's door" - with larger print copies for the older folk.

the evening ends with a six-verse chorus of amazing grace. in five or six part harmony. thanksgiving at its finest: our voices joining together in celebration of what we are most thankful for.

winter.

2008-11-19T16:49:00.005-05:00

i didn't want summer to end. during those final warm days in september, i spent every moment outside that i could, hoping to soak up the last bits of summer sun. i wanted to bottle it inside of me in order to keep the blanket-like warmth a part of me all winter long. some things don't last forever. i dreaded the winter. what would i do when i could not lay out on the fresh-cut grass and stare up at the sky, covered by the sun's warm glow? what would become of me as i walked briskly to class in order to outrun the cold frosty blow?

one of the aspects i love about the northeast is that winter never (usually) comes at full force; mother nature slowly warms (rather - cools) us up to winter's stormy blast. (i say usually due to the freak snowstorm we had a couple of weeks ago.) as the warm summer sun slowly faded, autumns cool breezes came and brought about a beautiful, colorful landscape all around us. driving through new england last month, i wanted to capture the magnificance, bottle it, and save it for later. some things don't last forever. yet even in the beauty of autumn, there is an eery feeling of the impending winter. as the leaves fall from their places on the trees, mother nature warns us: "it's coming." the geese fly south. the stores string their christmas lights. we don our winter coats and scarves. winter is coming.

walking around in this winter wonderland of christmas music, peppermint lattes, and decorated trees, my heart feels this sensation of excitement. winter is coming. excitement? excitement for the very season i was dreading three months ago? how can this be? i feel excitement for warm sweaters, for fires in the fireplace, for egg nog, candy canes, family, pumpkin pie, and even snow, yes even for snow. the cold is bitter and yet my heart is filled with joy. the very thing that i dreaded now brings me excitement and hope. and i know that some things don't last forever. the holiday cheer will soon give way to hope for spring and sunshine again. some things don't last forever.

these past few weeks i have found myself dreading the ambiguity of life after college, much like i was dreading winter. "i must soak up all that i can from these last few classes, these last few rays of sunshine, and bottle them up inside of me, i can save it for the dreary days of after graduation," i tell myself. yet some things don't last forever. the Lord proves to teach me a lesson from nature once again: there is joy in the winter. it will not look the same or feel the same. my hot cocoa does not taste like an afternoon on the beach, but it is special and wonderful in its own way, in its own time. i don't know what life after graduation will look like or feel like, but even though bitter winds may blow, i can trust that there will be moments of holiday-like joy.

what does last forever? "the steadfast love of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting," (psalm 103). God's love is from spring to summer, summer to autumn, autumn to winter, and winter to spring. it is His love where i should find my joy as i delight in spring trips to the park, summer days at the beach, autumn drives through new england, and winter evenings by the fire. it is God's love that i need to rest in while i am writing my paper for class, as i am worried about healthcare benefits, and when i walk across the stage on may 16th.

some things don't last forever. but we put our hope in what does.

our team is SET.

2008-11-12T21:38:00.002-05:00

the excitement is building about our bosnia trip and our team has even grown a little bit. we had been praying for a total of at least 8 students, bringing our total to 10 which would get us reduced airfare. we now DO have EIGHT students - two social work majors and six counseling majors. another exciting statistic - four out of the eight are girls that live in my hall! it has been really neat to meet with a couple of them and pray with them. tomorrow another teammate and i are headed to starbucks to get to know each other and work on our support letters.

another blessing - by moving the trip day ONE DAY FORWARD, we were able to knock $500 off of our airfare tickets. get one more day in bosnia and reduce the price by $500? well that's a no-brainer!

pray for:
our team, as we get to know one another.
our trip leaders.
our finances, as we beging to send out support letters.

BOSNIA?!

2008-10-28T23:28:00.004-05:00

susie wittman is a dear missionary friend of mine, from crossworld international. over the past couple of years, she has been coming on to pbu campus serving as a "missions mentor." last year, she met with many young women who had a desire for counseling as well as missions. we talked a lot about this together because my passions lie here too. wondering if something more could be done with this, i pointed her in the direction of my advisor/professor/mentor/friend, lisa kuzma. through meeting together and susie talking with crossworld, a idea for a missions trip was born. this trip would be open to counseling (and social work) majors at pbu and would provide and opportunity for them to serve and observe missionaries who are currently involved with "helping professions" overseas. where would the need be great? GORAZDE, BOSNIA. in gorazde, crossworld missionaries serve at a mental health and food distribution clinic, among other ministries (such as teaching english, summer camps, and business seminars).

when susie first told me about it, i knew i was going to go. as a chance to experience my field of study in the cross-cultural context, i felt like it's a step forward toward seeing how counseling and missions fit together. i am VERY excited to see what that is going to be like, and not too sure what to expect.

you may be saying the same thing my brother said, "but that's not poland!" it's true, i'm branching out! ;-) i think that this opportunity is going to be an experience that will definitely benefit me for future ministry whether that be in poland, philadelphia, or portland. (the latter was chosen for alliteration, nothing more.) i will have a chance to see and experience how the skills i am learning now can be used in a cross-cultural setting.

our team is made up of susie, lisa, and seven (hopefully eight!) counseling/social work students who have an interest in overseas missions. we had our first team meeting today, and i am very excited to get to know everyone more as we work together over the next few months.

please pray for us! we'll begin our support raising endeavor within the next week (needing to be at 100% by FEBRUARY!) and will be meeting together as a team at least once a month.

i'm excited to see how God is bringing this trip together, and even more so excited to see what He is going to do with it.

reunion.

2008-10-17T17:23:00.004-05:00

today was the wrocław english camp reunion.
i so deeply wish i could be there!

knowing that they were gathering today makes me miss them even more. the group is going to put together a book for jagoda's parents of pictures and letters. i'm going to send rebecca a letter of mine to add into the book.

yesterday i gave blood. it's something i have always been afraid to do, but i did it with jagoda in mind. maybe my blood can be used to help someone like her.

now, my heart is very heavy. i cried for about a half hour today. a good friend told me that sometimes moments of grief come when you least expect it. i was driving out to panera bread while listening to the radio. the song that came on talked about two men fighting at war and only one came home. the one who returned lived with the question, "why wasn't it me?" that got me thinking more about jagoda. why wasn't it me? she wasn't even driving. i drive almost every day. why wasn't it me? i found myself crying out to God, "why did You take her?" i didn't want an answer. i don't want an answer. i don't need an answer. "why did You take her?" i know it has purpose. i know God is good. but i also feel anger and disappointment. "why did You take her?" that's part of grief.

jagoda.

2008-10-14T16:51:00.002-05:00

on september 7, 2008 my dear friend jagoda passed away.

i'd been avoiding this blog because i knew at one point i would have to write that. her picture sits on my desk now, and i look at her beautiful face every day. we shared a similar smile. i miss her terribly, and i know that my visits to poland will never be the same without her.

we had even talked about going to eurocup 2012 together in wrocław.

i know that God brought our lives together for a purpose. our connection was so strong and my love for her so deep. i know it could have only been because of God.

update on jagoda.

2008-09-03T15:28:00.003-05:00

i just received the following email from my friend in poland, rebecca:

Friends,

Just a quick update on our friend Jagoda. As of today (Wednesday), she is still in intensive care, and still unconscious. It’s been a month now, so we are more than a little concerned. She has had three surgeries and is on kidney support. The reports are vague, but she is expected to be in ICU for another couple of months. Please continue to pray! She is in a hospital outside of Jelenia Góra.

i thank you for your continued prayers!

urgent prayer request!

2008-08-08T08:04:00.002-05:00

earlier this week, my dear friend jagoda was in a car accident with her family. her parents are fine, but jagoda was severely burned and is now in critical condition waiting for blood at the hospital. the report i read said that she needs 12 litres of blood. yesterday morning she underwent surgery to remove some of the burned skin. last i heard, she is still unconscious but responding to pain.

here are links to the articles:
Polish Red Cross (a call for blood donations)

Moje Miasto Wrocław (city news site - article about the accident)

(i used this polish translator site to get the basic idea of the articles. then confirmed my translation with kasia.)

a testimony to His faithfulness.

2008-07-30T23:12:00.002-05:00

i am amazed, simply amazed - and humbled - at the goodness of our Lord.

FIRST OF ALL, yesterday i went to the dentist (something i should have done MONTHS ago) and on the way back i saw a sign which read, "FRESH KIELBASA $2.99." "that's interesting," i thought, "i bet a polish market would advertise something like that..." and i quickly turned into the parking lot. lo and behold, there stood a polish-american market. i walked in and my eyes were caught by the DOZENS of brands of european chocolate which lined the small aisle. across from that, the meat counter where there was indeed fresh kielbasa among other meats. behind the meats were fresh polish pastries and above them, polish candies. the owner must have sensed my excitement (and the fact that i was a brand new customer) and came over to introduce himself. i told him how i had just been to poland and was so excited to have found his store. he told me his story in coming to the states and told me to make myself at home, and i could practice my polish there i liked. the store only consisted of two aisles, but they were filled with polish and european products that i have never seen in this country - juice, candy, soup packets (see, it's the simple things!), water (yes, bottled polish water!), as well as polish magazines, books, cds, and dvds. with what little cash i had, i purchased "jabłko mięta" tymbark juice (apple mint!) and promised to come back soon to buy some fresh kielbasa. as i got in my car, i turned on a polish song from a mix my friend beth had made and was so THANKFUL to have gotten to step back into that world. i thought about the language and that even hearing the "polish ryhthm" in the man's voice made me feel so at home. what is it about that language for me? it makes me melt. (the man at the store told me that the best way to learn the language is to get a polish boyfriend, haha!) hearing the language in my own country makes me want to cry tears of joy because it reminds me of what i love so much. i cannot explain my love for this country, the language, or its people other than it is what God has put on my heart. and even though while i am away, it hurts - i thank Him so much for it.

my summer continues to be incredible. there are hard times, and i am definitely feeling growing pains and the tension that comes along with growing up. at the same time, i am SEEING how God is working in and through me HERE, and that is amazing. in my journal on june 6th i wrote, "i am willing to do hard things, as long as (and i don't want to put stipulations, but as a request) i can have some joy interspersed... sunsets on the lake, late night outings with becca, random road trips, fellowship with ashley." i am AWED to see now, nearly two months later, that's EXACTLY what i've received - PLUS SOME. plus more joy and exciting adventures that i could have imagined and more growing experiences that i'm surviving.

if that's not enough, just when i ran low on my money - that's when i receive a call from my dad asking, "when are you avaiable to work? you can start tomorrow." today i started a data entry job at my dad's company. it's a place where there are familiar faces and they are flexible with my schedule. (plus, i get to see my dad and brother during the day!)

my heart is so overwhelmed with evidences of God's faithfulness and goodness in my life.

pictures!!

2008-07-21T12:07:00.002-05:00

finally! pictures from this years poland trip have been posted. check out pictures from before and after camp, to see into my life spent with teachers, missionaries, and students. view the excitement of the english camp through my two albums of camp pictures. (album ONE / album TWO)

they say a picture can tell a thousand words. to suppliment those words, i've also added captions to tell you a little more of our exciting activities.

enjoy!

i'm back!

2008-07-15T23:53:00.002-05:00

i'm back at my home in connecticut after quite a long day of traveling. =)

more later!!! FOR SURE! there's so much to say! (but right now, what i need to do is SLEEP!)

happy fourth of july! =)

2008-07-05T04:40:00.003-05:00

ola loves to learn about america!

americans (and bartek!) celebrating independence day! (jackie, scott, rebecca, beth, bartek, me, rebecca, davy)

please continue to pray for the students, that God would work in their lives! and the the staff that we would love them well and have strength and patience and enough sleep! =)

camp podgórzyn 2008!

2008-06-30T13:53:00.004-05:00

today we had our team planning meeting for the english camp! i have been pretty jet-lagged today (i could only get 2 hours of sleep last night!), which made sitting in meetings a little difficult, though tea did quitehelp a bit. we discussed the students coming (we have 12 signed up!), the talks and discussion groups (the theme is "searching for treasure that lasts forever"), what we still have left to do (write lessons, plan games, etc), and spent time getting to know one another (which included a pizza run).

i'm really excited about this year's camp. it's definitely going to be different - we have younger students who are more advanced in english. but i'm looking forward to seeing what God has planned.

here are some of my latest pictures!
to introduce you to the people you'll see here:
ANDREA -- SEND missionary in lubin, poland. she came to pick me up from the airport and then saturday night we went to lubin where i got to visit the coffee house for church sunday morning.
REBECCA -- english teacher here at the language school. we were teammates last year at camp and have been close ever since. she's like my big sister (people even tell us we look alike!).
JOSHUA -- SEND missionary here in wrocław at the language school. we went through short term training together last summer and he's been keeping me updating on life here during the year.
SCOTT, JACKIE, & DAVY -- missionaries with a baptist mission; scott and jackie are on a two-year term living nearby. davy has been here five times and will come back in the fall for a two-year term.

my other teammates include: rebecca (another one!), beth, agniezka (my roommate from last camp), and marek (director of the camp).

please pray for us over the next couple of weeks during the camp!
* pray that the leadership team is united and that we could love and encourage one another well
* pray for STRENGTH, patience, and boldness in the leaders
* pray for the students that they will hear and understand the message with their hearts, as well as with their ears

over the past few months, God has been teaching me about living one day at a time. that lesson is becoming even more intense here. i do want my life to glorify God and i won't always know what that exactly means right away. and not strictly planning out and controlling my life and my future. i'll write more about this later, but please also pray for me as i'm wrestling with what it means for me to lose my life, for Christ's sake only to find it (matthew 16:25).

and now, it is time for me to work on an english lesson and go to BED!

public transportation.

2008-06-28T09:41:00.002-05:00

i've been doing a lot of that lately. luckily, with gas at about $7 a gallon (we did the math this morning... it's abut 4.49zl./litre) the public transportation is pretty easy. we took the bus last night home from joshua's and today andrea and i rode the minibus to lubin. the minibus idea, done polish style, would probably not fly in the u.s. 26 people in a 16 passager "bus" - many of us standing for the hour ride from wroclaw. which is even more fun as the bus is a standard. =)

this evening, i'm going to the coffeehouse! i am very exciting to finally meet louise, a woman who came to lubin shortly after i left last year.

i'm here!

2008-06-27T12:51:00.002-05:00

i'm in poland! right now, i'm at my friend joshua's flat in wroclow (pretend there's a line through that "l") with friends rebecca and andrea! they picked me up from the airport and have mastered the task of keeping me away to reduce jet lag. so far, not counting naps on the plane, i've been awake for 30 hours. and let me tell you, i'm TIRED. BUT i have all of my luggage! and i'm having a great time with my friends. we even went to a wonderful cafe to get coffee before, and joshua's making more now.

i'm fitting right back in. though, i've been with american's all day, but just walking around the city feels a little bit like home. i don't quite know how that works. i definitely got some culture stress on the plane and in germany (a three hour layover sitting at a gate with no access to anything familiar isn't all it's cracked up to be.)

well, i'll post more later. coffee's on!

tomorrow!

2008-06-25T10:36:00.003-05:00

packing...packing...packing. and hoping that the cds for ted and package from SEND get here before i leave. =)

here's my travel itineray for the next couple of days:

26.6.08, afternoon -- depart for jfk
26.6.08, 5:50pm -- plane leaves jfk bound for frankfurt
27.6.08, 8:10am -- arrive in frankfurt, germany
(note: time difference. this will feel like 2:10am. yikes!)
27.6.08, 11:50am -- depart frankfurt
27.6.08, 1:15pm -- arrive in wrocłow!

and now, it's back to packing. though actually i'm off to have a picnic lunch with a friend! cheers!

two weeks!

2008-06-12T10:33:00.003-05:00

I HAVE RECEIVED ALL OF MY FINANCIAL SUPPORT FOR POLAND!!! not only that, but i've gotten a little extra that i've been able to put toward camp decorations and crafts. i found some pretty exciting things for camp, such as a cd of "pirate music" and a really cool craft decorating picture frames.

right now, i'm sitting at a little cafe in new haven drinking coffee at a table outside using their WiFi. the brick walkway ("sherman's alley") and the castle-like buildings of yale that overlook the alley remind me of europe and make my heart happy and long to be there at the same time. i cannot express how excited i am to be going back to wrocław and seeing my dear friends again.

camp update -- so far ten students have registered for the camp (last year there were 25 students). the lesser number is due to exams that are scheduled during the beginning of the camp. some students are coming late, and many are not coming at all. please pray that God would bring the students that HE wants to be there, and that He would prepare the hearts of those that are coming. four or five of those registered are returning from last year, and so i'm very exciting to see them again!

job/summer update -- i have not found a summer job (i think i'm up to 10 applications?). honestly, i am now seeing the blessing that it really is, at least for right now. i've been able to spend time with friends that i have not seen for a while and do some summer activities, like going to the beach, spending time in new haven, staying out late, and reading books for fun. i've also been able to spend time with my family and do fun things with my sister. i'm also excited about our upcoming college group at church! through doing that i've been able to spend time with believers my own age at church and make some great friends. all in all, if building relationships was a paid job, i'd be rich this summer. =)

long-term-plans update -- in my last post, i mentioned an email i received from my friend jerry, a full-time missionary in poland, asking me to pray about going to poland long-term after i finish college. jerry and i talked on skype the other night and he told me more about the ministry at new hope church, a daughter church of wrocław baptist, and his desire to see a ministry to young people grow from that church. i am continuing to pray about being a part of this, and am excited to see if the Lord would bring me there to work with him! please continue to pray with me!

continue to check back for more regular updates as june 26th comes closer!

less than a month!

2008-05-29T22:33:00.002-05:00

things that are getting me excited about poland:
1. rebecca's message asking if i'd like her to pick me up from the airport.
2. skype conversation with joshua (SEND missionary currently in wrocław).
3. shopping for PIRATE-Y things! this year's theme is pirates!
4. emailing students to see if they're coming.
5. realizing that the trip is less than ONE MONTH AWAY!

as much as i would love to say that things around here are settling down, that's just not true. though i must admit that summer is summer and i've decided not to spend it worrying about what i can't control (well that is sure easier said than done).

summer employment update -- i've got my name/application into six different places. i feel like i've done what i can and now i'll just wait for the phone call. here's to learning to live one day at a time.

update update -- this morning i sent out an official update newsletter email. if you didn't get one but would like to, leave me a comment here or email me at christine.lindemann@gmail.com.

long-term-plans update -- i received an email today from a SEND full-time missionary in wrocław whom i worked with last summer at camp. he asked me to seriously pray about going to wrocław for a few years after college and starting up a youth ministry there. the more i think about it, the more excited i get about that idea. i'd have no idea how it would all come together - but GOD KNOWS. and i am going to seriously pray about this! it could be an exciting opportunity! if you think of it, please pray for this for me.

another move.

2008-05-04T13:58:00.003-05:00

change has come again.

right now i'm sitting in heritage hall dormitory, where i will be living until friday. this weekend my family came down and loaded up the truck with all of my belongings (to which dad sang the beverly hillbillies theme song numerous time). this morning we went out to breakfast and they left a few minutes ago. i'll be working all week and hanging out with friends in the evening, something i haven't been able to do much this semester.

hopefully i'll be able to get some poland stuff taken care of - emails, thank you cards, an update newletter in addition to spending some time outside. i have some ambitions for rest this week! : )

commencement on saturday went well. many of my friends graduated! it was so need to hear those names called and see them get their diplomas, knowing full well what that one document means to them - all of the hard work, sleepless nights, tears, and times of joy that went along with it. and ladies and gentlemen, next year that will be me. wow.

so to gordon, tricia, rachel, valerie, carla, and the rest of the pbu graduating class of 2008 - CONGRATULATIONS!

surrender.

2008-04-17T21:48:00.004-05:00

praise! i have $1510 to go toward my trip! i now need $290!! i wasn't expecting it, and i am so thankful. it's so interesting: on monday i prayed, "Lord, i am moving ahead with this and i want to go, but if you don't want me to, i am okay with that too. just do with me what you want." no more than 2 hours later, i checked my mailbox to find a letter telling me how much i have. i had to surrender it to Him.

i am slowly getting an idea of what i will do this summer. i offered to work at my current job (registrar's office) for a week or two past commencement in order to help them tie things up at the end of the semester. my boss said that's fine but that they don't have it in the budget for me to stay there all summer. i wasn't planning on doing that, but at least i had thought of it as a back up plan. door closed. so i'm going to connecticut sometime in may! and for at least a week (maybe more!) i want to RELAX. i need that so much right now, i am so worn out.

prayer! please, please pray for me. the end of this semester is so hard - academically and emotionally. i know that God is doing some great things in my heart and i look forward to writing a post about all that i have learned this semester. but for now, please pray that God would continue to change my heart and that i would surrender control completely to Him. i am so tired of this lie that i have been believing that i can control the world around me - my emotions, thoughts, circumstances. i can't. and i want to give that control completely to God - but i need to truly and deeply believe that HE IS GOOD and that He really does love me and cares about my best interest. please pray that i can do that - trust Him and give Him control knowing that it is for my best interest, even when it hurts and even when it's hard.

He came. He will come again.

2008-03-23T10:54:00.002-05:00

in church this morning we began singing the doxology to end our easter celebration service:

praise God from whom all blessings flow
praise Him all creatures here below
praise God above ye heavenly host
praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost

as we began this refrain, it suddenly hit me: today we gather as a body to celebrate something which people had been waiting AGES for. Christ's coming was prophesied by daniel and isaiah among others.

imagine the thousands of people who prayed that God would send the messiah to save them.
imagine the people of israel crying out for a savior.
imagine the hope of those who awaited messiah.

and today we celebrate the fact that HE CAME. HE DIED. AND HE ROSE AGAIN. God promised, and God gave. God fulfilled His promise to send His Son once, and so we can trust that He will fulfill His promise to send His Son AGAIN. we, like israel, wait in anticipation for Christ's return.

so today, we praise Him that He came, died, and conquered death. and we celebrate in anticipation that He will come again, just like He said He would.

only $8.

2008-03-12T13:49:00.003-05:00

last week i mailed out over 200 support letters! it's exciting to have so many people involved in what i'm doing, even if it just means reading the letter i wrote.

now financially, according to my calculations...
(you can see i had fun with the calculator!)

(1) if EVERY person who received my letter gives $8, i will reach 100% support.

or

(2) if 10 people give $50, and everyone else gives $5, i will reach 100% support!

this just shows, every dollar helps! : )

a welcome break.

2008-03-03T23:13:00.003-05:00

spring break. a time for rest, relaxation, and adventure? well first of all, it's not spring yet. why do we have spring break during potential snow storms? who knows. i'm up in connecticut praying for warmer weather and for all of this snow to melt. today we had a small taste of spring as the temperatures climbed into the upper 40s, nearing 50. i was able to get out and take a walk in our local state park and enjoy the sunlight and time spent out in nature.

what about the word "break"? this is a break from classes, a break from work, and a break from the familiar routine - that's for sure. but i'm trying to get a lot of homework done as well. tomorrow, i'll head down to the library for the day in the hopes of accomplishing some research.

i also have been able to spend some quality time with my younger siblings, something that isn't done quite as often as i'd like.

another item on this week's to-do list is to write my poland support letters! these need to be written and sent out to the members of Trinity Church and my own friends.

here's hoping for a productive AND restful break!

poland 2008!

2008-02-06T21:07:00.000-05:00

plans for poland 2008 are under way! this past monday, i received my official invitation to the field! the little-over-two-week trip will be approximately june 28-july 14 or so and will involve the wrocław english camp and visiting friends! i am VERY excited! the support-letter-writing process will begin this weekend. please pray! : )

looking toward the future.

2008-01-20T22:04:00.000-05:00

proverbs 16:9
the mind of man plans his way,
but the LORD directs his steps.

proverbs 19:21
many plans are in a man's heart,
but the counsel of the LORD will stand.

matthew 6:30-34
"but if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? you of little faith! do not worry then, saying, 'what will we eat?' or 'what will we drink?' or 'what will we wear for clothing?' for the gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. but seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. so do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. each day has enough trouble of its own."

"world" travel =)

2008-01-11T21:50:00.000-05:00

for christmas, my family and i traveled the world. at disney's epcot, that is!

missionary life. and loss.

2007-12-09T20:34:00.000-05:00

i sat at the kitchen table slowly sipping my coffee. next to me, sat my dear friend carrie also sipping her coffee, it was our second cup each that morning. across the room from us, on the counter that divided the dining room from the kitchen sat a dell computer, with a webcam on top of it. in the kitchen, behind the computer, an entire family huddled in to see the image in the computer screen. they took turns allowing themselves to be visible to the webcam. there were smiles, and there were tears as the family spoke to the computer. but they spoke not just to the computer, their voices and their images reached on the other side of the world, where the daughter of this family and her husband and two children live as missionaries. they were speaking via skype. i sat, silently watching and admiring as loving a loving aunt and uncle spoke gently to their two-year-old niece. "nana" stood back, longing to speak with her daughter and granddaughter in a less "mechanical" fashion.

on the one hand, i was thankful for skype and such technology that can connect families who are scatterered around the world. on the hand, i could sense the longing and the love which also spanned across the ocean. what must it be like for a grandmother to see her grandchildren grow up, on a computer screen? what does it feel like to be planning a wedding having your older sister on the other side of the world? and as the missionary, how hard is it to miss your sister's college graduation?

in a class i recently took called gender and cultural issues of counseling, our professor (who grew up a missionary kid in japan) shared with us the losses involved into assimilateing to a new culture: loss of stability, family, culture, the familiar, friends, habits, home, support...

in each situation, i have wondered to myself - i say that i want to be a missionary. am i willing to take that risk and handle that loss?

Jesus says, "...whoever wishes to save his life, will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it...." (matt. 16:25)

it's a loss, on both ends: for the family going to another culture and for the family and people who send them.

missionary connections!

2007-10-20T17:24:00.000-05:00

during my trip home to connecticut this weekend, i got the opportunity to spend some time with SEND missionaries who my church supports (alida and bill, serving in alaska). we met up in new haven at a little cafe/book store for lunch and my friend nathaniel, whom i met at send short term training, joined us there. a little while later, another send missionary - david givens came! it was a great time of connecting with wonderful people!

(me, dave, nat, alida, and bill at the atticus cafe)

definition of culture.

2007-09-23T14:14:00.000-05:00

i just started a book for my gender & culture class called, culture-centered counseling and interviewing skills (by paul b. pedersen and allen ivey). they begin their book with a very interesting definition of culture:

"culture is not something outside ourselves, but, rather, an internalized perspective that combines the teachings of every significant person or group we have experienced, read about, or heard about and from whom we have learned something. when individuals try to understand their own or someone else's culture, it is understandable that they are frequently overwhelmed by the complexity of the task. each of of us then 'belongs to' a thousand or more cultures, any one of which might become salient or most relevant depending on the time, the place, and the situation."

another polish friend!

2007-09-07T17:58:00.000-05:00

last night, a friend and former professor of mine (dr. al lunde) introduced me to a young lady from lublin, poland who has worked here in the states (wildwood, nj) for the past three summers. we all had dinner together in cape may...it was so neat to talk about poland and hear her polish accent! she told me that the next time i come to poland, i'll have to visit her in lublin (eastern poland) and she'll show me around!

me, dr. lunde, and karolina

group photo!

2007-08-30T13:48:00.000-05:00

camp pictures!

2007-08-28T19:31:00.001-05:00

click for pictures:
http://picasaweb.google.co.uk/podgorzyn2007

stay tuned for more updates!

gordon college!

2007-08-25T13:39:00.000-05:00

...and right NOW, i'm updating from the gillies cafe here at gordon college where we're moving my brother, eric, into school. look for a REAL update within the next week or so, but bear with me - i move into school on monday and begin classes on tuesday!

ah, crazy schedule! =)

and she's back!

2007-08-22T13:21:00.001-05:00

i'm now sitting at sue thomson's desk at SEND International in michigan! i leave for the airport home soon and will see my family VERY shortly! YAY!

i survived podgórzyn 2007! =)

2007-08-19T14:47:00.000-05:00

i'm back from camp! i have so many new friends, so many stories, and SO many pictures! these next couple of days are going to continue to be incredibly busy - tomorrow we're still spending more time with the campers (since most of them live in town), with ice cream in the town square and a girls' movie night later on. tuesday my flight leaves wrocław at 7:15 am, so naturally that means heading to the airport REALLY EARLY. luckily, another girl on staff is on my same flight to munich! so we'll get to fly over together and spend time in the airport - we both have three-hour layovers. =) i should arrive in detroit at about 5:30pm on tuesday.

i searched all of my pictures to try and find the *classic* camp podgórzyn picture. since i do not have the group photo yet, it was hard but i am happy with my choice of this picture which is currently my computer wallpaper:

rebecca (new york), marek (wrocłow - camp leader), me, maria (holland), jagoda (wrocłow - my roommate!), chris (poland)

camp TOMORROW!

2007-08-08T14:40:00.000-05:00

after 5 hours of training, 6 pizzas, and a trip to the city for ICE CREAM - the camp staff is ready to head off to CAMP TOMORROW!!!

i'm feeling a lot better and building many new friendships with the STAFF. our staff is very international - one girl from holland, one girl from canada (who is chinese), two girls from australia (one of them was born in poland and has also lived three years in africa), one man from america (but he's lived in poland for five years now), and a few polish people, and a few more american missionaries. it's so great to learn about different cultures and discuss different words and learn about PEOPLE.

looking at the schedule, it is going to be an intense week. we've been warned ahead of time that we probably won't be able to sleep much. and are actually encouraged not to do so because "the deepest conversations happen at night." here's where my college experience comes in handy, eh? haha. during the day there are english classes and we have afternoon activities and bible lessons and discussion groups in the evening.

CONTINUE to pray for me, for our team (and unity and strength therein), and for the campers!

eve (australia), me, maria (holland), debbie (canada), keren (australia)

time in the city.

2007-08-07T07:03:00.000-05:00

today we have free time until 5pm, so i jumped on the tram to tackle the city of wrocłow! i spent some time at the rynek, did a little more shopping, walked to cathedral island (and stopped in at every cathedral on the way), visited the botanical garden, grabbed some lunch, and here i sit at an internet cafe!

i miss lubin and the people there VERY much, but i know that God wants me here for the camp! we begin training this evening and then we all leave for the mountains on thursday.

here we go!

wrocłow!

2007-08-06T04:19:00.001-05:00

today i leave lubin and head on down to wrocłow to begin preparing for the english camp!

kraków!

2007-08-03T17:05:00.000-05:00

out of all of the pictures i took yesterday while walking around through kraków, this one is my favorite. there were so many musicians playing in the streets, but this guy on the guitar just seems so chill. he's just having a great time - just him and his guitar.

we also visited the castle:

tonight at the coffeehouse was a blast - i have decided that i've played more uno in the past two weeks than i have in my entire life. i'm slowly learning what i call "uno polish" - how to say things like the names of the colors and "what color is it?"

poland:

2007-07-31T17:55:00.000-05:00

the past and the present,
the old and the new,
joining together -
walking hand in hand...

lessons from contra.

2007-07-27T16:11:00.000-05:00

a few weeks ago back in the states, i tried something new. i went contra dancing. now, i had heard of contra dancing through my friend jim (check out his blog!) and he had shown me some of the basic steps. other than that and a youtube video, i had no idea what i was getting myself into. as the music started, i felt excited and comfortable to jump right in. as i was dancing with one man, he said to me, "are you new to contra?" "yes, i replied." "well then, don't worry about messing up. just always smile and have fun."

today i went with pat, carlene, and the kids to a city called ścinawa to visit a women's shelter. there, none of the polish women spoke english. for a while, i felt a uncomfortable and unsure of how to fit in. then i remembered the words of wisdom from my contra partner - "just always smile and have fun." while pat and carlene spoke with the ladies, i tried to understand the conversation from body language, context clues, and what little translation my missionary friends had time to give me. i was able to play with the children - they didn't seem to recognize the language barrier. in addition to this, i realized that even if i could not sit down and have a long conversation with someone, i could pray for pat and carlene as they did. i walked around the building and prayed for the women who live there. i don't know their stories - but God surely does.

culture, culture, culture.

2007-07-25T16:32:00.000-05:00

there are moments when i'm walking through the store or down the street or just sitting at the coffee house, when i just think to myself - "hey, i'm in poland." i suppose it's still that "honeymoon sensation" of being in a new culture where everything is new and exciting.

like this exciting story - yesterday i went with paul to the store to buy supplies. as i was looking at the flavored syrups, i held one in my hand looking for others. an older woman came up to me and she began to speak in polish and point to the different signs. at first i was a little freaked out - "do i tell her i only speak english? what if she asks me a question? what do i do?" finally it clicked - she was pointing out that the syrups on the second shelf were cheaper than the one i had in my hand! WOW! "tak, tak! dziekuje!" ("yes, yes, thank you!") i said smiling and proudly - i understood her! she said "you're welcome" (in polish, of course) and walked away. paul came back over: "what did she say to you?!" "she told me that this one here is cheaper - let's get it." "was she speaking english?" "no, polish. but i understood her!"

lately i've been working on a lot of coffee shop stuff - making a menu, new drinks, posters, flyers, and such. i've also been able to spend a lot of time with the people here - sightseeing some with pat and carlene, having tea with bolgusia, playing volleyball with the neighborhood guys. in addition to that, every night from 17.00-22.00 i'm hanging out at the coffeehouse with the kids who come there. building relationships is tough across the language barrier, but communication is much more than language. please pray for relationships to be built here!

the dreaming bridge.

2007-07-23T16:42:00.000-05:00

today was a fabulous day! a few of the missionary women and i took a trip to nearby wroclaw to explore the city a bit. as we walked to a cathedral, we neared the very bridge i spoke of in my support letter. my letter read as follows:

"Last May, I traveled with the Philadelphia Biblical University’s Chorale through SEND International to Poland and the Czech Republic. While I was in Wroclaw, Poland, there was a bridge (left) that we walked over on Cathedral Island. Tradition has it that if you walk over this bridge and “dream a dream” while silently walking over this bridge, then your dream will come true! At the time, we thought that this was a very creative way for parents to get a few moments of silence. =) Yet now, I remember the dream I had: that I would be able to return to Poland. This dream is coming to a reality! This summer, I have the opportunity to go to Poland for a month!"

as we neared the catheral today, we walked across this very bridge.

this time as i walked across it, i still did not speak. i thanked God over and over again for His amazing provision in fulfilling my "dream." over a year ago, it was just that - a dream - who would have thought it possible? but with God, ANYTHING is possible - even your wildest dreams.

tornados.

2007-07-22T10:44:00.000-05:00

"Poland was hit by a tornado, which is rare in Europe. News channel tvn24 showed roofs ripped off farmhouses and barns and cars destroyed near the southern Polish city of Czestochowa on Friday night.

At least 7 people were injured and hundreds left without power.

"Suddenly I saw the trees outside swaying violently and looked out to see a brown funnel approaching. We all took cover just in time," one middle-aged man told tvn24."

Reuters, UK

a man spoke about this situation this morning at church, saying that villages were destroyed and people left with NOTHING.

czestochowa is three and a half hours southeast of where i am right now. please pray for the people who lost their homes and family members due to this tornado!

cafe logos!

2007-07-21T15:31:00.000-05:00

my mind is reeling with polish words. even now, i clicked the wrong button and outloud i said, "nie!" ("no"). and as i fumbled to find english words to express myself, the missionaries laughed at me and said, "she can't be losing her english already!" yet i find that i use my words less and my facial expressions and hand gestures more - even around english speakers if i'm in that mindset.

today was my first day at cafe logos. it was INCREDIBLE. as i was standing there, learning how the ministry worked, all i kept thinking was of how thankful i am for people like YOU who have supported me financially and who are praying for me as i'm here. i mean, when you gave and when you told me that you'd pray i was grateful enough, but now it just means SO MUCH MORE because i'm actually seeing the kinds of things that i will be doing.

so what exactly will i be doing while i'm here? great question! i actually found that out today! i'll be working here at the coffee shop (tuesday, wednesday, friday, saturday) - this includes hanging out with the *kids* (er, youth) and forming friendships with them. there is only one or two girls that come, mainly because there are only men that staff the place (andrea - we need you!). also, i will get to serve drinks! today we went out to find some flavor syrup to make flavored drinks. we found *some* near baking... it seemed to work okay. so i made a vanilla raspberry latte! paul eager said that they'll need some help with the actual coffee house business, so i get to help out on that end too. i am sure going to have fun with this. excel, here i come. ;-)

today was an excellent first day of official ministry, yet now it is time for me to get to bed! church tomorrow @ the coffee shop - 11am!

ah, lubin.

2007-07-20T14:50:00.000-05:00

this picture is such an incredible example of the merging of old and new here in poland. in the background you see a simple church. in the foreground you can see the stone foundation of a very old building - this was once part of the old city of lubin. now, this area is fenced off and they are beginning to build a "gallery" (a mall) on this property. however, to preserve the old city, they will somehow use glass walls over this foundation in order to keep the old and rebuild the new.

i'm here!

2007-07-20T10:09:00.000-05:00

so i'm sitting at the eager's house in lubin, poland! as i clicked to this website, i notice that the words i type are in english, but all of the website is in polish. so it's a good thing that i know my way around the website to begin with (can we say, "addicted?" haha), so i'm pressing buttons with my best guess. =)

in any case, I'M HERE! the flight was long, and since when do we have tornado warnings in connecticut? we ended up taking off in a thunder storm! ah! but we landed safely and i enjoyed my 7 1/2 hours on a *german* flight (the attendent spoke to me in german until i said, "ENGLISH?"). upon landing in munich, i had 20 minutes to run to the other terminal to catch my next flight - and my luggage didn't even make it on the plane! PLEASE PRAY that it will come soon! it's okay though, i'm prepared with toiletries (under 3 oz. of course) and an extra set of clothes in my carry on.

today is a day to rest a bit, tomorrow i'll get orientated to the ministry here and then, jump in!

hey guys - i'm in POLAND!!!! =)

this is it!

2007-07-19T00:15:00.000-05:00

ladies and gentlemen, in less than 12 hours, my travels to poland begin!

here's the schedule:
2:31pm - departure from hartford, ct
4:05 - arrive in washington d.c.
-- four hour layover! --
8:05pm -- depart for munich, germany!
-- 8 hours and 10 minutes in the air! --
10:15am -- arrive in germany
11:05am -- depart for wroclaw, poland (yikes! short layover!)
12:25pm -- arrive at my final flight destination - wroclaw, poland!

paul and pat from lubin will be meeting me at the airport. i've seen paul in pictures and i'm hoping that i recognize them easily! i'll ride back with pat to lubin (about three hours away?) where i'll eat some food and get settled in.

i cannot believe that i'm leaving TOMORROW. it has been such a long journey or preparations and prayer that it honestly feels incredibly surreal right now. my bags are packed (except for a few items of clothes that are hang drying), my tickets ready, and my clothes are laid out for tomorrow. now all i have to do is pack up my computer and charge my cell phone. yikes, the next time i go to bed, i'll be in a different country. hey, next time i update here i'll be in a different country!!! =)

one week!

2007-07-12T08:28:00.000-05:00

one week from today at approximately 2:30pm, i will be on a plane bound for poland (with stops in d.c. and munich). it's an incredible feeling to know that i'm all set financially, because with that stress lifted i am realizing the reality of what's going on and getting very excited. also, there seems to be a security of knowing that God must really want me to go - because HE provided the funding (by using amazing people like you!).

in regards to my second prayer request in the long entry, i received an email yesterday that my order had shipped - giving my package a week to arrive in connecticut!

some things i have to do in this next week are:
- watch my two dear friends get married (!!!!!)
- print out insurance papers
- prepare room & board payments
- move to connecticut =)
- visit with my family!
- turn 21
- shop for travel necessities
- PACK!

next step: board plane.

2007-07-10T00:15:00.000-05:00

i have been waiting over ten months to write this post, and here it is:

I'M DONE!!! i have all of my finances in order and have raised OVER $3,505!!!!!!!

the previous post was sent out as an email to family and friends. a reply came from my uncle saying that he would give the last of what i need - plus some!!!!!

THANK YOU, GOD - FOR YOUR PROVISION AND FAITHFULNESS!!!

this is incredible.

learning about life, travel, and polish.

2007-07-09T22:05:00.000-05:00

"i haven't seen someone purchase a "teach yourself polish DVD in a long time!" proclaimed the man at the Border's checkout counter.

"yeah," i repsond, "i leave next week. i thought i should at least have a little handle on the language."

"well that's true! gosh, the closest i've ever been to poland is across the river in germany. that's as far as our rental car would take us"

suddenly an older man comes up in line behind me and joins in on our conversation, "i just came back from that area a few weeks ago! it's such a wonderful country - really rebuilding itself after the war." the three of us continue our conversation about eastern europe and both men wish me luck as i leave the store with my newly purchased "teach yourself polish" set and a brand new journal. it finally hits me - i leave next week. perhaps it was the casual conversation in the checkout line or maybe maybe it was the fact that i hold in my hands the blank book in which i will chronicle my personal experience throughout the next month; but either way (and perhaps a combination of the two), reality has set in just a little more.

i can just see how God has been preparing me for this trip all summer long. my faith has been stretched beyond imagine - and i am just seeing how faithful our God is. first of all, out of the $3,505 my total came to, i am down to needed the last $192! incredible! i cannot thank you all who gave and prayed ENOUGH for allowing God to use you in this HUGE way! i know that He will supply until the last drop.

also, i have been really challenged in the ways of travel. as you know, i will be traveling to and from poland by myself. throughout this summer i have had some rather interesting travel experiences - having a flight cancelled in detroit, our car breaking down on my way to virginia with my grandfather, and countless train rides to various places in the tristate area. i know that i am sure to encounter some more adventures over the next month, and i now feel more prepared for what i may face!

some specific things that i would like prayer for as the date comes closer are:
1 - the FINAL $192!
2 - i have ordered some materials for the english camp that are due to arrive to my house the day i leave...please pray they come in on time so i can pack them! =)
3 - that God would be preparing me and the people i will come in contact with in my travels and in poland for whatever He may do in our lives.

thank you so much for all of YOUR support and encouragement through the planning stages of this adventures, we're really doing it! NEXT WEEK!

it's a small world, afterall.

2007-06-29T10:16:00.000-05:00

the world really is small, i'm coming to realize. these past few days i've made a new friend visiting from south africa. the other day, i took a friend from czech through the grand city of philadelphia. and then in just under three weeks, i, myself, will travel across the ocean to the far-away-land of poland. yet a point was made at my brother's high school graduation, that as time goes by, the world become smaller and we are presented with more opportunities. with the internet, i can now communicate with friends overseas in the matter of minutes, even seconds. now, if only traveling was less expensive...

in any case, i last reported that i needed 100% of my support by june 25th. WELL that was the *goal* but i NEEDED at least 75%. and now, on june 26th, i report to you that i have a little over 78%!!! true, it's not all of it, but God is faithful in providing me with what i need, when i need it. i have also had many people tell me recently that they would like to give! hooray! the official number for what i need is currently: $635

i'll update more early next week - in under a half hour i'll be on a train bound for the shore to visit some friends!

training recap!

2007-06-11T15:55:00.000-05:00

there were about twenty of us. at first we didn't know each others' age, denomination, background, family history, college, etc...all we knew was that we had the same passion and the same goal. that alone brought us together like nothing else could, and within HOURS, we were a family. i would imagine that it was a small taste of what heaven will be like, and with that in mind... i cannot WAIT until the Lord calls us home. it took me a day or so before i realized that i didn't have to be anything with my family here but myself. the love and acceptance was indescribable.

the sessions themselves were extremely informative and useful. i feel so much more prepared now than before. we learned about culture shock and how to deal with it, spiritual warfare, fundraising, emotional health, conflict resolution (boy did i learn a lot here!), writing, public speaking, language learning, and so much more. our days were jam-packed with different sessions and though our evenings were free, we packed them with games of ultimate frisbee, rounds of volleyball, and travels to the city. i even learned how to swing dance, which i'm told i am VERY good at and have an "amazing sense of internal rhythm."

three of our team are already out on the field (two in the philippines and one in japan) and others leave for places such as russia, kosovo, far east asia, poland, prague, spain, and taiwan over the next few months...and no matter where and when we go, we'll always be the STT SUMMER CLASS OF JUNE 2007!

still in michigan!

2007-06-08T21:32:00.001-05:00

greetings all, from the lovely state of michigan! training week has been AMAZING, and i would say it's been my favorite week of the summer...so far! i'm still here in michigan, after my flight got cancelled today - what an adventure. i'll fly back tomorrow morning and probably get some good sleep! i'm so excited to go to trinity church on sunday, i haven't been since EASTER.

once i get back to connecticut, i'll give you all a longer update on training (i learned SO much!).

but i will update you on the exciting fact that I NOW HAVE MY PLANE TICKET TO POLAND!!!! i even get to adventure a layover in munich!

please pray for some of my training classmates who leave tomorrow!
brian - to the philippines
maureen -also to the philippines
david (who left today) - to japan

goodnight! =)

school's out, for the summer.

2007-05-15T11:15:00.000-05:00

well life has certainly calmed down a little for the time being. with no more papers, exams, and massive amounts of articles to read, i can focus on other things. for the time being, those other things have included settling into my room at heritage (which will only last another two and a half weeks...), catching up with friends (many of whom i have regretfully neglected due to school work), and reading for fun again (i'd like to finish les miserables before leaving for poland... we shall see how that works out. haha).

now other things must be focused on! there is reading to be done for SEND training and thank you cards to be written! not to mention, keeping good folks like you updated. =)

so here's the latest update! now, i need 100% of my support by JUNE 25!!!
currently, i have about 59%, $1510 left to raise.
my plane ticket to poland will be bought sometime this week. yikes!
SEND training begins on JUNE 3 in michigan!
(though i'll fly out on the 2nd to visit a friend in ann arbor!)

this is all really happening!!! =)

so it's on. just more solo.

2007-04-25T21:49:00.000-05:00

it's here. the final week of classes. you know what this means? procrastination? um, yes. or at least, that's what i'm doing at this particular moment. after a cup of wawa coffee and my new martina mcbride cds playing, i'm pretty much ready to finish this counseling final TONIGHT. but really, i wanted to give you all an update on plans and such. because there's actually a lot to update on. (hooray!)

so YESTERDAY i received an email from pastor cary (he was leading up the SEND english camp team). the email reads: "For several months we have been requesting prayer for the formation of a team I was to lead to minister in an English camp in Poland this August. We think you have sensed a lot of uncertainties. These uncertainties and the lack of a full team have caused us to decide we should not pursue this further." i replied to this email asking if this meant that were were not going to poland at all. i received an email back about an hour later saying that the CAMP wasn't cancelled, but that SEND was not sending their team over. which means that i am going to the camp, but i am not meeting up with pastor cary and evelyn when i get there. but let me just tell you that during that hour before i heard back from pastor cary, i was so shaken that i might not be going to poland this summer. i had no idea what to even begin thinking.

little bit of background: lately i've been worried about this trip. i feel as though i'm the one doing all of the pushing and not leaving it in God's hands. sure, i pray about things and decisions about the trip, but not as much as i feel i should. i know what i need to do next and i take it a step at a time. i figured that if God didn't want me to go, He'd stop me somewhere along the way. moral of the story: through this whole email ordeal, i realized that this isn't me. this is completely God. He can indeed take away this trip at any given time. if He wants me to go, i'll go. if He wants me to stay here, I will. HE IS SOVEREIGN.

on another note, i was just thinking about how much fun our chorale had with the opole college students (yes, liz - you know what i mean) and how much fun i am going to have with these students at the camp. i am so excited to connect with them and be able to talk about life and learn more about their lives and beliefs and world while being able to share mine.

and let me just tell you of my love for adventure. first of all, let's just say that this summer belongs completely to the Lord. plans have changed so many times and things have been happening right and left that i just quit trying to follow them and control them. i'm just along for the ride here. and as liz said, "this has been a wild ride, but if you can hold on to your saddle, i think the horse will get you there in one piece. " so back to my topic of adventure. complete culture shock. traveling the polish train system. being a cultural minority. living life with the "take it as it comes" attitude. being completely flexible. needing to be completely flexible. (plus, no papers to write.) being surrounded by a completely different language. trying to communicate. I AM SO EXCITED.

please continue to pray for:
- finances (45% there)
- that i finish this semester. well. sleep included.
- that amtrak/mastercard lets me redeem my points for a free continental flight to michigan.
- jerry and marek as they plan for the english camp

thank you all so much for reading and for praying.
HAPPY SPRING!

three months!

2007-04-18T16:22:00.000-05:00

and so the countdown begins. approximitely three months from today, i will be leaving for poland. according to my recent calculations, i have 40% of the money i need. i was talking with a friend today who shared with me that when he went to athens, most of his money didn't come in until the week before he left! God WILL provide and i know that i will be ALL THE MORE thankful for it because i went through this time when i was not sure what would happen.

that's kind of my theme for the summer: not really know what is happening. i have a general idea - i'm working, going to weddings, and going to poland. but how it all works out, i'm not sure. i KNOW that i will be working in may and i will be staying at the school and miriam's wedding is the 26th (yaaaay!). this whole experience is really showing me what it means to trust God. i'm not sure where i will live for two weeks in july. i'm not sure when i'll be going home in june. i'm not sure if/when my money will come in for poland...but GOD is sure and HE knows what is going on. i just have to trust in that.

this verse has really been encouraging me lately:
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil. "
Proverbs 3:5-7

happy easter! =)

2007-04-07T22:13:00.000-05:00

podgorzyn

2007-03-25T22:22:00.000-05:00

i googled the name of the town where our english camp is going to be (podgorzyn), and i found these pictures:

isn't that BEAUTIFUL! this is south west of wroclaw (where the chorale stayed last may), and it's pretty close to the czech border. those are the karkonosze mountains (thanks, tim!!!).

it's less than four months away!

it's been too long, folks.

2007-03-17T00:51:00.000-05:00

i'm sorry that i haven't updated in so long! i have been quite busy with school work and this weekend i am with my dear friend as she is getting married in twelve hours! because of that, i cannot write much but i wanted to give you a quick update.

we currently do not have a third person for our team - BUT THAT'S OKAY! we're going anyway! =) the dates have been figured out for the english camp and it is officially: august 9-20. not only that, but we also have a location - in podgorzyn, poland (though i don't have any more details than that).

as for financially - i have almost ONE THIRD of my finances! over spring break i sent out 120 support letters to the members of my congregation (yay trinity!).

things are really moving along, and i'm not in the second half of the semester! that means that (a) summer is quickly approaching and (b) the work load is significantly increasing! but i must admit that i am loving my classes and loving what i'm learning!

well, i must be off to bed. there's a wedding in the morning!

team wroclaw.

2007-02-12T09:22:00.000-05:00

the need was for a team of THREE to go to the english camp in august. we have a definite TWO - myself and evelyn. evelyn and i got an email saturday morning saying that we needed to find a third person by the end of the week, or we would have to call off the trip. i had not even thought that this would have been a possiblility! (i mean, come on, who would pass up a chance to go to poland?!) at lunch that day, i sat with my friend rachel. i told her about the email and she asked me for more information about the trip. i shared with her what we would be doing and she said that she might be interested! so last night she talked with her parents...and they are supportive of her going! so now we are praying and waiting until thursday for her final answer. she seems so excited about it, and i really am too. so please pray with us for rachel as she makes her decision!

as for me, i've sent out a few support letters so far and i'm waiting on more addresses (i really need to call home about that...) and for the go ahead from my church's missions committee to send letters to the congregation.

we're getting closer! =)